MY RANDOM THOUGHTS DURING X-MEN APOCALYPSE
May have a few spoilers in this so I'm letting you know before you continue. Okay. Anything you read beyond here is on you.
I went to the movies yesterday. I was really skeptical on seeing the 3rd X-Men movie of this go round because I didn't like what I saw in the previews. I remember seeing the 2nd one and being so geeked seeing Apocalypse in the end credits but ever since then I just wasn't feeling it. Anyway here are my thoughts during the movie.
BITCHES OVERCOOKED MY FUNNEL CAKE
They overcooked my shit. I was pissed. The ends were soft but that was it. The one thing I hate about these 21 and up movie theaters is that if you're super into film like I am you don't have time to complain about service and shit because you don't want to be distracted or miss anything in the movie you're watching. I don't have time to be calling the waitress back and forth. I guess it's back to sneaking in fish plates since these bozo's cant get shit right.
TV IS FUCKING STUPID
Apocalypse watched about 2 minutes of television and he wanted destroy humanity. I don't fucking blame him, that's how fucking stupid TV is. I have a lot of favorite shows but lately I have not given any fucks about watching TV or binge watching shows on Netflix, Hulu, etc. Game Of Thrones is in the middle of a new season and I haven't watched since May 1st. I just don't care. I'll watch a good film in a heartbeat but my love for television shows is literally gone. It just feel like a chore to watch shows these days. Shit super pointless especially if I'm not where I want to be in life. I just take those binge watching hours I used to put in to do something productive.
THE DISRESPECT OF APOCALYPSE WAS REAL
Bruh, Quiksilver not touching Apocalypse. He not touching the god. How is Apocalypse getting the hands put on him by b level superheroes? No my nigga. It's not happening. This was the equivalent of Charlie Villanueva busting Shaq's ass in Shaq's prime. NO.
APOCALYPSE WAS BLACK
This nigga from Egypt.
TRADE STACY DASH FOR MAGNETO IN THE RACIAL DRAFT
Fuck that woman first and foremost. Magneto in his soul is a black man. He tried to be peaceful. He tried to live right even though he's a mutant. They wanted to kill him. He goes crazy after they tried to kill him and kept fucking with him. They wanted to kill him. He lives peacefully in Poland not bothering a fucking soul. Started a beautiful family. Lived quietly. Saved a mothafucka life at his job with his superpowers and how do they repay this man? They call the police on him and they wanted to kill him and they also kill his wife and daughter. Welcome to being a nigga in America Magneto. You one of us now. We go through that same shit. Magneto was actually better than Apocalypse in this movie character/villain wise. He had more pain and more of a motive to hate humanity than Apocalypse did so it translated better in the film. Magneto seemed more of a threat to humanity than the God.
NIGHTCRAWLER WAS THE SHIT
He had on a Michael Jackson Thriller jacket. Duh.
LARGER THAN LIFE VILLAINS ARE DIFFICULT
There's going to have to be a point where it's going to take more than one movie to beat these huge villains. As you can see the next Avengers movie is two parts. They both have to be 3 hours. You're not beating Thanos in one movie that's under or right at 2 hours. Those 2 movies need 6 hours of total film or it wont work. Even if they beat Thanos in those 2 films he has to come back in Thor's movies or Guardians Of The Galaxy. It's going to take more than one film. You're not beating Apocalypse in one film. The screen time was so short for him to me and there was no back story. I wanted them to pick up after Days of Future's past where he was building the pyramids in the end credits. They jumped right into the transference. He had no build up at all. Plus his last fighting scene should've been longer. This is fucking Apocalypse we're talking about.
When Darkseid comes in the DC world. You're not beating him in one movie. It just makes no sense at all. Just asked the idiots who put Doomsday in Batman vs Superman and thought it would be a great idea to have him defeated in 20 minutes. Just dumb. Fantastic Four is fucking dead for the second time but i'm sure if it was successful they would start looking to the future to bring in Galactus. You'd need more than one film for that. Larger than life villains are difficult to bring to life if you cram them in one movie. This happened with Apocalypse but I'm sure he's coming back.
WOLVERINE SCENE
That scene was stupid but it ties into a very important thing below this.
MR. FUCKING SINISTER
Enough said. If you saw the end credits you understand. The only reason I let the Wolverine scene slide. I don't know how the fuck you give us Apocalypse before Mr.Sinister but okay.
QUIKSILVER
Okay, he's a dope character. Always have been a fan favorite but this was the film he needed to tell Magneto who he was and they dropped the ball with that.
JUBILEE
Hyped her for 2 fucking years and she gets no screen time. Fucking idiotic. They hyped her as if she would play a pivotal role in the film and all they had this bitch do was go to the fucking mall and movies. How is she the same age as Cyclops and everyone else. Thought she was super younger than everyone?
STOP FORCE FEEDING ME MYSTIQUE
Mystique isn't a fucking leader. Jesus fucking christ. This is where Hollywood always fuck up. They focus on the actor or actress status outside the film instead of what's good for the films or makes sense for the character. HOW IN THEE BLUE HELL IS MYSTIQUE THE LEADER OF THE X-MEN (The Rock Voice)? Jennifer Lawrence is clearly a A-list actress. I never will deny that but just because she's A-list doesn't mean she should dominate the film. She's a good actress but the way she acts just doesn't warrant the force feeding we're getting. The last scene with her giving that speech was so fucking corny and cringeworthy. I damn near walked out the theater. This was just awful.
Overall this was a average movie. It definitely wasn't as bad as the old X3 like some critics said but it wasn't super great either. Plot was super choppy. Character development of the young ones was eh. Apocalypse like I said wasn't more of a threat than Magneto and his build up wasn't good. Apocalypse got taken out by a bunch of rookies. Just doesn't make sense. What's next? Jubilee beating his ass the next film? Only person that died was Havok? The Four Horsemen were kind of just bystanders except Magneto. Psylocke got the same Jubilee build up and we didn't see much from her. I feel this film was rushed. I just really liked Xavier, Jean, Magneto, Quiksilver, and Nightcrawler. It just felt like this film was thrown together and it's a shame because Apocalypse deserved much more.
