A POLITE REVIEW: JUSTICE LEAGUE

I'm just gonna get right into this. No need for a fancy ass intro. The DCEU is the most confusing shit I'm seeing right now. I just don't get it. The characters just aren't impacting shit. The most complex hero is Superman because the mothafucka is perfect. How in the fuck do you relate to a perfect alien? That's understandable. The rest of these heroes should be really easy to make impactful. At least I thought. Justice League proved me wrong. 

Flat the fuck out Justice League was average possibly below. If you told me 10 years ago there would be a Justice League movie and I knew all the movies that would share the year with it. I would predict Justice League to be the film of the year. No debating. It almost came in last to every superhero film this year. Logan, Wonder Woman, Spider Man, Thor, all better films. Why in the fuck is a solo DCEU film better than a Justice League film? How? Why? I wanted to pull my hair out watching this shit. I don't even know where to begin. 

First why in the fuck is Steppenwolf getting washed like he ain't shit. Not once did I feel any real danger for the heroes. ZERO! I never once felt "Damn shit is looking grim for these guys." Why wasn't Steppenwolf endangering humans? They kept him away from civilization for the whole film. He posed no real threat to the city let alone planet Earth in this movie. NONE! I didn't FEAR Steppenwolf AT ALL! They just had him as this huge CGI Jabroni with no purpose. It was ridiculous because he's a dope ass villain in the comics. He was easily the most forgettable villain I've ever seen in a superhero film. 

Now there were some moments that were fun but again this is where DC fucks up and that's the flow of story. Steppenwolf literally had all 3 boxes in under 20 minutes it seemed and not much of a fight was put up for them except for the first one. Leave it to the savior of the DCEU films Wonder Woman and her people to have the best part of the film. The action scene for the first mother box was insane and dope as fuck. But him retrieving the other 2 boxes happened so quick and it felt like it was rushed. They really dropped the ball when he went to get the second box that should've been a war under water. They missed a chance for some creative shit. I don't even know Steppenwolf's purpose for anything. We don't even get hints for his link to Darkseid. The villain just appeared and then he was defeated. The end. Uneventful.

WB demanded that the film not exceed 2 hours so there was little to no character development for Aquaman, Flash, and Cyborg. WE GOT NOTHING FOR AQUAMAN! THEY JUST HAD THIS ROMAN REIGNS LOOKING MOTHAFUCKA JUST TAGGING ALONG LIKE SOME WEAK ASS BITCH! He might as well not even been in the film. He had no motive, no drive. What are his stakes in the scheme of all of this? I literally forgot about him. He had no presence AT ALL! All we get is quick flashbacks and that's it. Characters won't resonate with anybody like that. I didn't care about them because the writing for them was subpar. Why in the fuck is Aquaman making jokes? Aquaman serious as fuck. The Marvel type jokes is not for D.C. Leave that to Marvel. 

Like I said before. The DCEU is rushed for no fucking reason. We should've gotten a Aquaman movie instead of a Justice League movie. It's like they're trying to do the reverse of what Marvel is doing and it's not paying off. Set up the solo films first, load the bases, and bring it home with the grand slam which should've been Justice League. Nope instead they've taken a potential classic movie out of the equation because they got rid of Doomsday. Darkseid might be the end game. Now the Injustice League is coming soon and will be rushed. The shit is just a mess right now. This is now 2 great comic book villains they have wasted. 

Now....... Batman........ Sigh.......... What the fuck? 

Okay I really don't wanna bash Ben Affleck because he's in a role that will always be compared to that near perfect trilogy Christopher Nolan blessed us with. So he has that working against him but I'm just not buying Ben as Batman. In the god awful BvS film he was okay as Bruce but as the hero he was a bad detective which is Batman's calling card. He's one of the best detectives. He's always 20 steps ahead and It's what makes up for his lack of powers and in this film that same lack of detective work is continued. He just seems unprepared for everything and keeps getting outsmarted, except for his ace in the scene with Lois. Batman is also in more of a leader role but it's not believable. Also He was getting washed in the movie. Batman was a non factor and it was just a sad sight to see. Dude was a straight hoe in this movie. He was emo as fuck, flabby and sick and walking around with self pity about Superman. I know he can't compete with god like heroes and villains but damn let dude outsmart them somehow. Let him get some shine. He was ready for a retirement home by the way he was talking. 

I liked Flash. His running was weird and he was corny in spots. Some jokes were cool then it kinda got annoying but he was a bright spot of the film. Cyborg was still good despite the lack of character building and they just had this dude fixing shit. He was kinda short changed in this film. I think he should've stole the show. Maybe the director cut will be different. Wonder Woman was cool but what I don't understand and maybe I'm being too logical but how is she keeping up with God's in terms of strength when they took a fraction of themselves to create her? I thought that was weird. 

A positive though was the return of Superman. Although the CGI fucked up his face, his return was one of my favorite moments. They let him off the leash. They didn't hold back. He's basically unbeatable and they let him unleash for the first time in the DCEU. Really enjoyed his fight with the Justice League. It was one of the few lit moments of the movie. 

If I had to give the movie a grade It would be a D+ or C- at best. A Justice League film is supposed to feel like an event. This did not feel like that. It just felt like another movie. I'm really okay if I never see this movie again. I just left the theater like "That's It?" I should've left the movie like "I CAN'T WAIT TO BUY THIS ON 4K!" Just when I finally felt WB finally found their stride with Wonder Woman this movie was a step backwards. It's a fun movie in spots and it's really pretty from a cinematography point of view but overall it was just "meh." 

I don't want to look at the numbers because there are great movies that have bad numbers for their standards and recoup purposes but the fact this movie didn't break records and is WB lowest numbers out of the 5 films is a shame. Justice League deserved much more than this.  A Justice League movie didn't crack 100 million on a opening weekend and didn't beat out a Thor movie. I cannot believe this shit. Poor marketing. No exciting buildup. It was like WB wanted to sabotage this movie. The reshoots may have hurt it but who knows. 

Oh! Before I go lets talk about the after credits scene. Lex Luthor is still not imposing, menacing, or smooth. He's still a weasel with an annoying ass voice. WB please get rid of Jesse Eisenberg. Please! I promise no one will care if you replace him. Fans will actually rejoice. Deathstroke I'm uncertain about and now the Injustice League will be formed and I'm not excited. Damn can I just get one cold film that isn't Wonder Woman? Please? 

I give Justice League 2 outta 5 Fruit Snacks.