I'M IMMUNE TO CHEATING

As I’m walking out of the gym into the parking lot I’m seeing and hearing this guy talk to his homie about his relationship problem and the very last words I hear when I reach my car is …. 

“She cheated on me….I dunno what I’m going to do.” 

Rejoice nigga. You’re fucking free. 

If she’s cheating on you with a woman that’s even better. You are now at the free throw line with a chance to win the game with a threesome. If you can’t pull the threesome go live life. If you wanna forgive her and move on then do so but never let that shit hurt you. Ever. 

You’re free my nigga. Life just got that more grand for you. No more pretending to like what she likes. No more negotiations which lead to you eliminating YOUR fun and happiness and benefiting hers. You rather negotiate with ISIS than negotiate with women. Your TIME is open. 

The reason this guy is having a heart to heart with his homie over this is because he lives life as society says he should live it. It’s not on his terms. He’s emotionally hurt that a woman he loves cheated on him. The ego is present. Fuck it, demand a hall pass from her and cheat on her back and continue the relationship or get the fuck over it and go reload your roster. Your offseason has begun. It’s draft time. Get you a hood chick, a boring chick, a nerdy chick, a cougar, a single mom, a young confused chick and just live life my nigga. 

I’m at the stage in life where I am immune to cheating. I flat-out don’t give a fuck. If a woman I’m with cheats on me all I want to know is was that nigga better than me. The answer to that question is no because no nigga better than Benny so there’s no need to ask that question so I take that question back. There's no questions to be asked. I’m really not saying shit. Either go be with that person or beg me to stay. I don't care either way. Although watching people beg is pretty entertaining. 

I don’t cheat for the simple fact that I don’t want to deal with more than one woman. It’s not about sex no more. One woman is already annoying as fuck. Two is a fucking nightmare. Three I may just go join a cult like Martin did when he left Gina. I don’t wanna spread my time around like that while in a relationship. It’s a headache. 

Here are the reasons I, Benny Greenheart is immune to cheating. 

Muhfuckas attracted to other muhfuckas. It’s life. If Idris Elba comes up to my girl and he wanna fuck her and she takes him up on his offer shit that’s just life bruh. I’m regular as fuck in the face. That nigga a model. There’s no argument to be had here. I’d tell her myself to go fuck that guy. If Rihanna throw the pussy at me I’m fucking or my girl joining us both for the festivities. Either way I’m fucking Rihanna. My girl gotta give me a hall pass for that. I’d do the same for her.  

My Time > Your Vagina. Simple as that. A woman cheating on me means more time for me, me, me. It’s the best gift a woman can give to a man. Women want our time. Time is the most valuable asset in life. You never hear a man say “You don’t spend time with me” and if he does it’s just a cover up for him wanting some ass and after he gets it he doesn’t wanna lay up. The pussy was the “time” he’s ready to go home. He’s thinking of an escape route like Andy Dufrense in Shawshank Redemption. When women say “You don’t spend time with me” it’s not about sex. Maybe partially but they really want us to spend time with them like conversations, hearing what they have to say, and gazing into each other eyes, and other boring things of that nature. To all my homies that’s reading this I have a question. You ever fuck a woman and as soon as you bust a nut you don’t wanna be touched by her for at least 20-30 minutes? That’s nature telling you time is up and you need to get the fuck outta there. Round 2’s are pointless. Cuddling isn’t fun nor comfortable. Her cheating on you is her giving you back your time. Take your time back with a smile. 

I’m busy. I’m always doing something productive I don’t have time to sit around wondering why a woman stepped outside of the relationship we had. I’ll only trip if my girl cheat where I lay my head at. I don’t like strangers in my shit. Go fuck in a hotel, your momma house, your car, just not in my bed but other than that I’m a roll the weed and watch the Scarface up until the point he gets busted for Tax Evasion. Write some cool shit and go on with my cool ass `life. 

I’ve been cheated on before when I was younger and of course I reacted angrily like Lawrence did on “Insecure" but the reason I reacted the way I reacted was because of my ego. I’m more mad over the fact that someone touched what I felt was mine over anything else. It’s like if I had a plate of food at a restaurant and a random nigga just walked up and ate my food. Fuck the meal and the fact that I’m hungry. My ego takes over and I’m now fixated on beating this bitch boy ass for touching what I invested in. I understand now that a grown person is gonna do what the fuck they wanna do. My ego doesn’t run shit over here. I’ve removed ego from this kinda shit and life just makes more sense. If a man fuck my girl and she wanna be with him shit I’ll wave goodbye and tell her go live the life that’s best for you. She wasn’t truly my girl. It’s the game. Giving your body to someone else is none of my business. I ain't stressin over that.  

Who am I to deny someone happiness? That would be pretty selfish of me. If I’m not making you happy find someone who will. That “Fight for your love” shit is something I don’t do. You either wanna be here or don’t. 

I’m indifferent about a lot of shit. 

I’m not married (Thank God) so it’s not a huge deal. Shit like this is a huge deal with marriages because there is money and possible custody battles at stake. If we’re just in a relationship this shit not bout nothing. All I own is my computer and my clothes. Moving out of this crib and continuing my happiness finna be a BREEZE!  

I’ve been the side nigga so I know how women think and feel when they cheat. It’s all confused emotions. It’s never about “Benny I’m coming over I just wanna fuck.” That’s RARE for a woman. Men just want some pussy. We cheat just to cheat. It’s physical with us not emotional because our dicks is separated from our heart and mind. Everything is connected within the woman and that’s why they’re so emotional. A man still loves his girl he just love side pussy too, that’s all. I’ve fucked married women, engaged women, women that had boyfriends and it’s always the same. It’s super emotional on their end but never on mine. I never wanted pursue anything beyond the sex. Women just silly and weird that’s all. Cheating never works out for them cause they’re incapable of having fun with it. It’s always disastrous when they do it because they don’t do it for fun and sport like we do. 

A woman cheating on me doesn’t control my happiness. I don’t bank my happiness on humans. Everyone is capable of disappointing me that’s why no one makes or breaks my happiness. 

I can take an L. I’ve taken so many L’s that are more catastrophic than cheating that cheating is fucking laughable to me. Seriously the least of my worries. 

Society wants cheating to be a disease but the shit is just nature to me. Should’ve taught this shit in biology classes. 

Cheating clears your skin. I read it on one of those natural-ista blogs or something. Go get better skin girl. Glo up. 

Go cheat. Live a little. I’m busy.