FUCK YOUR FAKE POSITIVITY & LIFESTYLE

I’m a positive guy. Way more positive than what I used to be even though I’ve lost a lot recently but when it’s all said and done I’m more positive than negative. 

Welp…..I guess I have to be negative today. 

Lets get into my “Fuck” list. 

First off fuck your energy. 

Fuck your vibes. 

Fuck your flow. 

Fuck your chakras. 

Fuck your crystals. 

Fuck your birth charts. 

Fuck your fruit and veggie water. 

Fuck your vegan-ism. 

Let me just tackle some of these because I’m sick of this fake happiness and spiritual bullshit. 

YOUR ENERGY

No one cares about your energy. No one cares to match your energy. No one cares about what energy you feel or don’t feel. I get it, your energy is precious. Your energy isn’t stagnant it flows. Your energy is not to be wasted. Everyone doesn’t deserve your energy. You’re not gonna put your precious energy into energy that doesn’t show the same energy to your energy. That last sentence made no fucking sense but that’s how y’all fucking sound on social media and it’s fucking sickening. You sound like you’ve been brainwashed. Then plot twist!!! You continue to waste your “Energy” on dumb shit anyway. You niggas google and read a few things on The Law Of Attraction and act like y’all can walk on water. Read “The Four Agreements” and shoot love rays out your chest like the care bears. Fuck outta here. 

You niggas have gotten worse. You’ve added “Light” to your energy talk now. Saying shit like “Save your light and energy." Only light I’m saving applies to my ameren bill you fucking tarot card reader sounding head ass nigga. Hey energy! Welcome to the fake happiness club! Rotel and refreshments are in the back. 

YOUR VIBES

Higher Vibes Sis. Feel the vibes bro. Spread good vibes. Summer vibes. Beach vibes. Moon vibes. Positive vibes. You give me vintage vibes. No funny vibes. Damn you Kendrick Lamar. That damn song started this shit. “Hey Benny your vibe is off.” “Hey cocksucker, FUCK OFF!” Go vibe with that. Only Vibes I acknowledge is my brother Rell Brodie shit. That’s it. That’s all. Otherwise I don’t wanna hear that word around me at all. Get yo “Our souls recognize each other’s vibes” looking ass away from me. 

YOUR VEGAN-ISM 

I was vegetarian for 5 months. I wanted to see how long I could go without eating animals. It was easy but sad as fuck. I was basically eating paper and grass for 5 months. It’s fucking depressing. Try driving pass a Popeyes as a new vegetarian. It makes you wanna grab the draco and sweep the whole block. I only eat fish now because fish are stupid looking and have ugly eyes with no eye lashes or no eyebrows so I can kill them easily and not feel sad. 

Please shut the fuck up and eat a Chick Fil-A chicken sandwich with that sauce with the long ass name (I dunno how to say that shit) and quit trying to force a lifestyle you don’t believe in just so you can be like your favorite art hoes and art models and look cool. A lot of people do not want to be Vegan or they are flat-out lying about being vegan. While I’m at it, if you are vegan shut the fuck up and eat your avocado bean burger. You’re not going to stop people from eating chicken. Chicken is amazing and this is coming from a nigga that doesn’t eat it anymore. You’re not woke because you eat dandelions. You’re just an annoying mothafucka who eats flowers and go to parties and complain about how no one cooked or brought food for your special ass. 

YOUR CRYSTALS 

They’re useless like Uncle Rico. 

YOUR FRUIT AND VEGGIE WATER 

I only drink water and green tea. You don’t see me telling the world every chance I can like you idiots. You got the whole grocery store produce isle in your water and you’re still a binge alcohol drinker. Makes no fucking sense at all. You know what else? It’s amazing! I can’t wait to tell you this! You ready?! Okay here it goes…..

You can actually drink your water without reminding us that you’re doing so every fucking day. Isn’t that amazing? 

I get it. Water and fruit makes your skin glow but guess what baby? You’re still not likable nor funny. 

News flash. Sorry women. Some of you can eat all the pineapples and drink all the cucumber water in the world and your pussy will still be trash. Good pussy is like raw talent. You either got it or you don’t. You might as well continue drinking dark liquor and eating gas station taquitos cause your pussy fate has already been decided. You can't eat your weight in mangoes and suddenly the heavens open and you’re rewarded with a good pussy. You can’t buy one. You can’t gym membership your way to one. You can’t yoga your way to one. It’s over.

Speaking of Yoga. 

YOUR YOGA

All your yoga classes are for nothing. You’re practicing a art that’s about breathing, stability, and peace and you still not shit everyday. You just gained flexibility but didn’t gain any other qualities that would make you a better human being. Namaste hoe. 

I said all that to say this. Your humanity > Your fake positivity. 

I seriously seen someone say they don’t have bad days as if it’s impossible. I know that’s a lie and this is the perfect time for me to insert a Joe Budden meme but I shall not. 

It’s like this trend is trying to remove humanity from people. It’s okay to be sad, angry, happy, whatever. It’s bad to pretend like you’re happy and doing all these trends and lifestyles to try and cover up whatever is wrong with you. Everything not positive. It’s just the way things are and when you realize that then your happiness will mean so much more to you because you understand how valuable it is. Being fake healthy doesn’t get rid of trauma. Talking like and quoting a hotep shaman ass nigga doesn’t cure depression. Stealing the fake SZA page positive tweets won’t cure your anxiety. Without suffering, you will not grow. 

It’s okay to be sad. Let it out. Fuck fake positivity.