TEACH ME HOW TO HO

Damn Johnny Gill couldn’t "Lady Dijour" his way into the coochie? I’m highly disappointed in my guy right now. Issa basically said he got E.T fingers. He a phone home head ass looking boy. He coulda just broke out singing “My, My, My" and saved the night. Even coulda remixed the lyrics a lil bit.

“Put on that jersey you got from the swap meaaaaat and some of that sweet perfume. I’m tryna get insiiiiiide youuuuuuuu.”

Issa tryna get the ho phase aka Ho-chella started and I couldn’t be more proud of her at this point. It’s time to get your fuck on. King Lawrence has moved on. And yes, fuck getting to know these niggas. I agree. I’m tired of getting to know women. I don’t care bout birthdays, colors, parents, pets, jobs. At this point a woman could be a murderer but if the pussy exquisite then fuck it we fucking and I’m moving on to the next woman I don’t wanna get to know.

Now when Issa and Molly went to that bar I only had one question. Yes Issa was terrible at ho-ing at the bar but that was the least of my concerns. Only thing was on my mind was Molly is a terrible mothafuckin friend. Molly is a terrible friend because she let Issa come out the house in wedges. Wedges are beneath hoes. She let her friend come out with cinder blocks on her feet. Wedges are the Dodge Neons of women footwear. Bria Myles and all of her chocolate glory can stand in front of me buck nakey with wedges on ready to hand me the pussy on a silver platter and I’m sending her ass home to think about her actions and remember to be grateful she knows me.

Fuck the lame pickup lines Issa was saying to them niggas in the bar. They saw those wedges and they were triggered and shaking and decided they not giving her no dick. At least Issa got some wings outta the deal.

The vibrator didn’t even want Issa kitty kat. Better put those fingers to work queen.

MOLLY HEMAN MEN HATERS CLUB

Molly confusing the fuck outta me. I don’t know what she wants anymore. She quitting therapy. She know she not looking for another therapist. One minute she wants a relationship. Next minute she doesn’t. She’s clearly in her “Men Are Trash” setting. Mainly because of her work situation. I think she hates all niggas at this point. I mean she kicking wit that nigga that sounds like Kyle Barker from Living Single. Seems like a good nigga with a immaculate credit score and a closet full of boat shoes but she don’t like that nigga cause he too organized, and cerebral. So I’m guessing she wants a broke nigga like me that can slang good dick and has an incredible doo rag collection.

Ol boy was asking hypothetical questions about marriage so I know that nigga probably knows the entire Common discography by heart and infinite insence in his crib. Dude really the male version of Molly which is hilarious. He thirsty for a relationship just like she was. His name Lionel too which means he’s in the tenor section of his church choir. I dunno if that’s good or bad. If a woman turn down a SZA show and a free meal then it’s a wrap for you my nigga.

LAWRENCE SAW COLESLAW AND LEFT

King Lawrence chilling with Tasha and finally realizes that Tasha a Auntie. If yo chick worried about gossiping and T.G.I.T instead of fucking you then you’re dating a auntie. Auntie's can cook but Lawrence doesn’t know how to respond to the auntie lifestyle outside of the food. He also has the BBQ with Tasha family hanging over his head too.

Lawrence got invited to a Startup Sadderday with his white homies from work basically it’s a get drunk and fuck somebody party which sounds way better than a BBQ of meeting a chick family who you not even together with. Lawrence shows up to the BBQ and realized what a horrible mistake he’s made. I heard the name MiMi at the cookout. When you hear the name “MiMi” come out of somebody mouth at a BBQ you gotta get the fuck outta there. “MiMi’s” love Blac Youngsta and always have a nigga on standby in prison. A prison bae. You don’t want none of those problems when he come home. King “Rules” wisely got the fuck up outta dodge.

Lawrence goes to this mixer and he doesn’t know how to explain his dating status which means he’s conflicted on how he’s living. He’s playing the role of a man in a relationship but doesn’t want to be in one. See I gotta help my nigga out. Just gotta let her know wassup. You just fucking, cooling, and that’s it. The moment he went back to apologize for fucking Issa was so unnecessary and made Tasha think that something is coming out of hanging out. He not with her so there’s nothing to apologize for.

Lawrence loses track of time at the mixer and forgets to go back to the BBQ and Tasha feels embarrassed and angry and she has a right to. Lawrence should’ve told her no like he wanted to. I think it was stupid to invite Lawrence to a BBQ but the nigga agreed to go anyway so I understand her anger. Lawrence tells her he doesn’t want a relationship and that’s the soul snatcher right there.

She called the King a “Fuck Nigga” there is no coming back from that. She called him a fuck nigga who thinks he’s a good dude. That's not really accurate. Lawrence a nice guy but If Lawrence is real then this is the last we will see of Tasha. Words like that NEVER slide. As much as it hurts to possibly see those titties go there’s just some things you can’t let ride. It’s against everything #LawrenceHive stands for. Now go have a 3some with those becky's at the mixer like Jesus Shuttlesworth in "He Got Game." A new era awaits us King Lawrence!

I LUH THIS HOE SHIT

Issa is desperate and she sees Eddie the random nigga just chilling at the pool and outside his apartment. Her ho senses start tingling and she goes to try and seal the deal. Eddie a weird nigga. A nigga that watches “Gossip Girl” probably shouldn’t be trusted. That nigga probably sniff random women seats after they sat in them. Eddie had a weird shaped head too. Nigga had that Lion King Pride Rock head. You could see Rafiki hanging Simba off that nigga hairline. You can't tell my nigga head wasn't like this.......

I will give Eddie props for his realness. You just don’t ask for titty fucks. Women will think you weird if you request titty fucks. Eddie is brave in that regard. Titty fucking overrated anyway. It’s only good while getting head but anyway. Issa gave Eddie the drawls and she popped her ho life cherry. Proud of that woman.