14 THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU CANCELING OUR PLANS

You can't tell me my God not worthy and able. Hallelujah. 

When you asked me “What are you doing on this night?” and I replied “Nothing" I’m gonna assume you didn’t understand me. When I said “Nothing” those were the plans. NOTHING! Nothing is what I plan on doing and enjoying. You heard “Nothing” and thought “Oh you’re free!” and proceeded to make plans for me. You’re right bitch I am free. Free from these plans cause I will freely be doing nothing in my house. 

When I told you that it wasn’t a big deal we’ll reschedule…. I lied. It is a big deal and we’re not gonna reschedule. Plot twist, The plans you’ve cancelled tonight are cancelled forever and they not coming back b. 

You cancelled the plans which means It’s time for more “Me” time. You know how many people I didn’t slap the holy ghost out of because I had my “me” time? You just saved lives by canceling these plans. I could’ve murdered someone. 

Since Jesus loves me and cancelled our plans I get to be fat tonight. I want all the cookies. I want all the pizza. All the fruit snacks, brownies, and ice cream. I will have 2 slices of pizza resting on my chest with some raspberry lemonade in my cup that I wish was running through my veins. 

I was probably gonna waste a fit if you didn’t cancel the plans. I can’t be wasting my remarkable and overwhelmingly impressive outfits to be apart of plans you tried to force upon me. I’m too ravishing, jiggy, and gorgeous to be playing with you. 

I don’t have to share my weed, wine, or tequila with anyone unless I call a lil honey dipped chicken strip over to play in my hair while we watch Hey Arnold. 

I know for a fact the woman to nigga ratio was gonna be trash anyway so I’m happy plans are cancelled. I’m not trying to drink with a bunch of niggas my nigga. 

People breath be harsh when I go out. Every time I go out somebody breath smells like a crackhead’s hoodie talking about “Let’s work fam.”  People with the harshest breath have the most to say when I go out. 

I don’t have to tolerate weird mothafuckas who wanna talk about silly shit like work when I go out. I just got off work and I’m not trying to hear about no mothafuckin work especially with a woman. Girl if you don’t shut the fuck up and start looking sexy rapping Moneybagg Yo or Chief Keef or start twerking! I don’t give a shit bout human resources. If somebody don’t start doing some activities they will regret when they see it on Instagram in the morning I’m gonna snap bruh. 

It’s likely I gotta drive and I hate driving and wasting gas unless I like you. 

I have some creative shit to make. Cancel the plans so a nigga can be legendary, exalted, and mythical with this creative shit. 

I rather chill at the crib naked than get dressed. 

I’m delighted you cancelled cause I’m tired of seeing the same faces. Invite a coke addict or something, bring a pet, invite your ex and bring your new partner so I can see y’all all fight, surprise me, entertain me. Most likely you won't so please cancel the plans. 

#CancelThePlans for the greater good of humanity.