13 ANNOYING THINGS ON FACEBOOK
First things first I say this with love…fuck all of you. Facebook is hell. If you want to spend a few minutes not smiling just log into Facebook.
Let’s begin
YOU GOT BANDS
Yeah, Hospital bands you little hoe. I’m sick of these weirdos posting pictures of their hospital bands as if they just survived a near fatal accident. Bitch you got the clap, get the fuck outta here. Then after they post the picture of the band on their wrist they’ll post some dumb ass vague shit like “I just want this to be over” Shut yo Keyshia Cole head ass up. Then of course some dumb mothafucka comments on the post along with 15 more people and they all asking “What Happened?” and of course the person who posted the picture refuses to answer the question. Anything to feel fucking important I guess. Next person that post a hospital band pic with a vague caption I’m a just write “Hahahahahahahahahaha” in the comments. I don’t give a fuck no more.
98% OF THE PEOPLE I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH
All of you are shaped and look like pot roasts. Your opinion didn’t matter then and it doesn’t matter now. I didn’t go to my high school reunion and I regret it because that was my chance to tell all of you to your faces how insignificant, trivial, and trifling you all are. Why in the fuck are you sending me friend requests? We have nothing in common. Never did. I’m wavy and you not. I'm ravishing. You're not. My personality gorgeous and you have the personality of a 51 year old balding man named Frank who wears sweater vests and has binoculars next to his window. Why would I associate with you? You’re doing me no favors and my stock actually drops if I converse with you. My jiggy meter loses a considerable amount of energy when you talk to me. Either you got somebody on your timeline from high school who think they super gangsta, super cool, super smart, or super racist. Damn near everyone you went to high school with a whole ass lame and ain’t on shit. To the women in that 98% Go get pregnant again while I feel sorry that future child that has to put up with your shit on a daily basis. To the men in that 98% continue to spend more time getting ready to go out than a bitch trying to cover up that bald spot you fucking old flabby and sick ass dorks.
RAPPERS
It’s over my nigga. You’ll never make it. Face it. This is your 8th Facebook Rap Page you’ve created. Your career is deader than Raheem from Juice. You been claiming you taking over for 6 years. We don’t care if you’re in the studio anymore because what history has shown us is that it’s a waste of time. The engineer won’t tell you the truth because he wants to keep taking your money for the sessions you book. Lemme guess this album you working on is your best work to date huh? Everybody in the city hating on you because you so talented and you bout to “make it.” Nobody support they own huh? Nigga please I rather watch Roseanne than hear any of you niggas rap.
PROMOTERS
NO I’M NOT COMING TO THE "BOTTLES & BIKINI BOXING JAM" YOU TAGGED ME IN MY NIGGA! THE FUCK WRONG WITH YOU? AND FUCK NAH I’M NOT GOING TO THE CLUB YOU THROWING THIS BULLSHIT EVENT AT. THROW THE WHOLE CLUB AWAY MY PAL! NONE OF THESE HOES ON THE FLYER WILL BE THERE! FALSE ADVERTISING! VIOLATION BUD! NO I WONT TEXT YOU FOR A BOOTH. MY CLOSET BIGGER THAN THE BOOTH YOU CHARGING FOR. NO THIS NOT POPPIN. YOU AND THIS EVENT IS NOT SHUTTING THE CITY DOWN. THE CITY WILL BE UP AND FULLY FUNCTIONAL WITH OR WITHOUT THIS EVENT MY NIGGA.
EVERYBODY IN YOUR "BUSINESS"
Thot... you have no business. You wake up. Take yo ass to that call center. Take yo ass back home or go to Applebees for happy hour, and set up dick appointments and hope a nigga cuff you but they never do and that’s it. There’s nothing exhilarating about your life. There’s no business to be in. How do I know all this? YOU PUT YOUR BUSINESS ON FACEBOOK EVERY FUCKING DAY! THAT’S WHY! That’s why people in the little business you do have you genius.
I’M TIRED OF BEING SINGLE
Shit bitch I’m tired of you being single too! If in house will get you to shut the fuck up about being single then I’m rooting for you to find a man or woman to annoy. Every fucking day you posting about how single life ain’t for you and how you’ll be single forever and this is why. Stop throwing the pussy at every nigga that offer you 54th street and maybe you’ll get somewhere. I mainly see women on this type of shit.
PARAGRAPH THUGS
Y’all love to type a whole novel on your status like you really got beef out here. Man shut y’all weak asses up. You not even out here like that and ain’t nobody talking or thinking about your punk ass. I swear y’all sick in the head. Y’all really make up imaginary people to beef with and then if you really are talking about someone who exist you never say who. Then some weirdo comments on the status saying ‘Make it public” but plot twist they really talking bout your dumbass but they too pussy to mention they have a problem with you. I swear y’all make a post like this once a week. "KEEP MY KIDS, MY RELATIONSHIP, AND MY BUSINESS OUT YALL MOUTHS I SWEAR YOU BITCHES SO BORED! UGHHHHHHHH!"
Bitch you bored and ain't a soul on this planet thinking about your goofy ass. Continue watching Real Housewives Of Atlanta and shut the fuck up.
LOOK AT MY RELATIONSHIP!! LOOK! LOOK!
I like a good relationship. Two people annoying each other but being able to see pass that and still like each other. That's what's up. But of course people take it too far. You ever see people flaunt a relationship on Facebook and you know for a fact that the relationship is in quick sand? Muhfuckas just like fronting and are willing to stay in a toxic relationship just because they're afraid of what people on Facebook would say if they break off from it so in order to keep up this image and facade they'll flaunt the bullshit relationship a 100 times more than usual. Pretending like they're so happy. C'mon sis this nigga done fucked some duck and some more bitches you were sneak dissing on a status last week. You looking like a Mr.Krabs meme right now. Bro, ya girl out here bussin it open for bottle service and fucking struggle rappers. Break it off. You look like a goofy right now. Throw the whole relationship away. I promise Facebook won't give a fuck. You don't have to front for us.
DEACTIVATION GOOFS
BYE FLUNKIE!!! NO ONE WILL MISS YOU. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. STOP ANNOUNCING YOU’RE DEACTIVATING YOUR PAGE SO PEOPLE CAN BEG FOR YOU TO STAY. Are you throwing a go away party? I’m coming. I mean what will we ever do without your pointless, meaningless, irrelevant thoughts on life? Please don’t go. Fuck outta here.
YOUR “BUSINESS”
Look. I’m all for entrepreneurship. I like seeing businesses started but some of y’all need to be a consumer for the rest of your time you’re blessed to be human. On Facebook I’m seeing women trying to be hairstylist and fucking these women heads UP! Wannabe beauticians giving these women fucked up lashes. Them shits leaning like a junkie. Women slanging these flimsy ass clothes trying to run a boutique. How the fuck you running a catering business but you can’t deliver and have no set pick up hours? The fuck y’all on? I rather y’all boost fucking clothes than start y’all own shit because y’all skip over professionalism. Literally go out of your way to be unprofessional and that’s why no one takes you seriously and you don’t last.
THIRSTY CREAM PUFFS
You ever comment on a chick status and it could be a question as simple as “Where is this restaurant at?” and you answer the question to be helpful and you get notifications on your phone all day from other niggas commenting on her status too and it’s all thirsty dweebs with lackluster emoji execution and commenting with shit like “Let me take you there beautiful.” Boy shut yo Tyrese head ass up. Just saying anything to try and get the pussy. It’s the saddest shit ever. Niggas are straight cream puffs bruh. Disgusting.
HOOD NIGGAS
I’m sorry but it has to be said. I’m tired of you niggas. All you niggas do is quote any trap rap song lyric about how the world is against you, post memes, holla at high school girls, flash $2000 dollars like it's $50,000, talk about who you beefing with on statuses, and hood niggas ALWAYS MAD. LIKE MY NIGGA WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT PULLING UP AT 7AM ON A SUNDAY?! NIGGA SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TAKE YO GRANNY TO CHURCH! These niggas be my age and acting like straight 9 year olds and typing like a middle schooler.
MR & MRS POLITICS
Fuck democrats. Fuck republicans. Fuck the government. Fuck your political arguments and views.
Good day.
