CHILDHOOD FOOD THAT'S TRASH
Here’s a list of food and drinks I thought were good as a kid but realized it was trash as an adult.
JACK IN THE BOX TACOS
We were really eating grinded up gym mats in a taco shell at 2am after leaving the clubs when we became adults and wonder why adulting became trash. We played a role in that shit. The ranch and hot sauce combination not saving that shit.
SBARRO’S PIZZA
I don’t see these in St.Louis because we damn near have no malls anymore but when I go out of town, every mall I go to have this shit. You couldn’t pay me to eat this pizza that’s made out of cereal box tops. They have the nerve to be high as fuck too.
LITTLE RAINBOW JUICES
They were bought out by a different company I believe. Now they come in little barrels. I just remember running around as a kid with the juice I had to poke a hole in with my thumb to drink it. I drank this shit at a family reunion a couple of years ago because I hadn’t had one since Dame Dash was pouring champagne on bitches and I instantly got diabetes drinking that shit. I’m calling child care services on parents who give this shit to children. I will see all of you in hell.
LUNCHABLES
We really thought we were the shit because we could put unseasoned sauce on a big cold ass ritz cracker along with shredded cheese. Niggas really used to show these off in school. Looking back on it, it was a cry for help. I looked into my friend eyes in elementary school and I could see the hunger. I could see the desperation. Niggas was looking like the niggas in the “Get Out” movie. He seen me with the square free lunch cheese pizza with the triangle slush juice and he realized that his life was in shambles. All lunchables were struggle meals and that company made billions off that shit and I’m glad my momma understood that and when she did pack my lunches she made sure I would not go hungry. If I see an adult with a lunchable you are going to jail pal. I will make it my duty to make sure you never see sunlight again.
POPEYES
I’m ready to fight over this. I don’t give a fuck. Popeyes is mid bro. I know that popular sandwich just came out and everybody saying it’s fire. I never had it and I’m sure it is fire bruh. But Popeyes is the M.Night Shaymalan of food spots. One hot movie every 10 years type shit. Niggas finally released a good food item in the last 20 years and niggas just forget about the trauma. Popeyes got all of us traumatized dawg. Fuck the food, I haven’t received good service from Popeyes in St.Louis since The Clintons was throwing niggas in jail. New Orleans should be the only place Popeyes should remain. I got great service down there. Back to the food. That chicken is not hitting bro. You make better chicken at home. I promise you. Popeyes aint shit to us but a deadbeat parent. We just keep going back no matter how disappointing our last visit was.
RAMEN NOODLES
I have not eaten ramen noodles since college. I would rather hang out with Bow Wow than eat ramen noodles. Ramen noodles saltier than the niggas I’ve taken bitches from in my illustrious former hoe career. The last time I ate and finished ramen noodles and I looked down at my bowl filled with that fake ass broth and seasoning at the bottom I felt like the times I fapped on a Sunday morning and seen my reflection in the computer screen. Like cmon bro you’ve hit rock bottom. Get help.
PRINGLES
Pringles are like former NBA players that just pop up on random teams as assistant coaches. You never notice them until like the last quarter of the season and you just shrug your shoulders and continue about your day. Pringles are the equivalent of bland head from a good person. You know the head not bout shit but it’s head and they’re cool so you gone keep receiving it. Every time I eat Pringles I forget that I ate Pringles. I could eat 3 cans of Pringles and I will go out 2 hours later and say damn I really haven’t eaten anything today. As a kid I used to fuck with them but as an adult I’d laugh at you if you have Pringles in your house. Nigga throw me out like Jazzy Jeff. Please.
BAGEL BITES
When these hit the streets as a kid I thought niggas was rich and eating hella good. Ate that shit as an adult and I wrote a letter to the company expressing my disgust. Food so mid I wrote hate mail.
PIZZA HUT
Pizza Hut was the top dawg in my childhood. There were really only 3. Pizza Hut, Little Caesers, and Dominos. Those were the 3. All of em used to be flames as a kid. If I see you ordering Pizza Hut I’m going to ask you “Is everything okay at home?” Pizza Hut is like a natural bitch that went too far with cosmetic surgeries. Pizza Hut pizza don’t jiggle anymore like plastic booty. Dominos I’ll let slide they became wack but recently have gotten decent. If you eating Little Ceasers pizza nigga you steal. The cheese bread I’ll let slide but the actual pizza nigga I’m telling your momma and your auntie with the big auntie collard green arms. Those sistas raised you better than this.
MCDONALDS
If you ever wanna see what white privilege is like but in food form just look at Mcdonalds. Forever getting praised for mediocrity. Niggas used to do whatever for McDonalds as a kid. When your momma asked if you had some McDonald money that shit destroyed your soul. I haven’t had McDonalds in 6 years and I don’t plan on having it again. Shit I’m glad the McFlurry machine always broke like a crackhead cause that ice cream is BIG MID too. The hamburger patties literally look like they were ran over by a Ford Taurus and then placed on stale ass buns. Bruh the chicken nuggets smell musty as fuck. They don’t even use real meat. The burgers don’t rot or mold they just get harder than my dick every time I see Rihanna. There are grown ass people still eating this shit. These are dangerous humans.
SUNNY DELIGHT
We were kids drinking battery acid. This shit got less juice than Miley Cyrus. That shit like 2% juice 98% sugar water with some chemicals in it that sound like an African name when you say it.
Peace
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