HOW MAMA'S GUN TAUGHT ME BLACK WOMANHOOD
All the black women I grew up with are fighters. I’m talking literally. They’ll beat you out your socks. I never had issues with women because if you know me well you know the women are DEEP in my family. I never seen what was perceived as weakness when it came to all the women I share blood with. I seen a few of them beat niggas and these niggas was really trying to fight back but they was getting lit up.
Long story short I viewed violence and the women around me never taking no shit from nobody as the only definition of confidence, strength and empowerment. I only seen my momma cry at funerals. She wasn’t really ever emotional. She didn’t show much emotion. I’m more emotional than my momma.
In the music I heard from women it was either they were super tough and were tomboy’s or super delicate. There wasn’t any middle ground. So even through music I had this misconception about how women are. Thinking back while writing this is definitely humbling because my viewpoint was really fucked up as a child. I rarely saw vulnerability from a girl unless it was a girl my age. I grew up in an environment where vulnerability was something you hid because you thought it was weakness.
Mama’s Gun by Erykah Badu shattered everything I thought I knew about black women and I owe everything to that woman for creating that masterpiece and showing me different forms of vulnerability and confidence while taking me through the most misunderstood entity in the world which is black womanhood.
D’Angelo’s “Brown Sugar” and Erykah’s “Baduism” are similar debuts. Both had Hip-Hop and Jazz influenced production. The debut singles sound like they were at jazz lounges but the one difference between the 2 was the vocals. D’Angelo voice was beautiful but you’ve heard a bunch of guys that have beautiful voices. Erykah’s voice was so unique because you had to go so far back in time to compare it. Nobody my age knew who Billie Holiday was. Erykah sounded like Billie Holiday and in my life Erykah was the first woman jazz voice I ever heard.
Being old enough to remember when “Baduism” blew up was cool because seeing all the hoods and suburban hoods fuck with this type of sound taught me that if it jams it jams. People didn’t really trip off how Erykah looked (Beautiful of course). They just felt her presence. After having multi platinum debut of course the conversation “Can she do it again” will arise. The media and public want you to re-create what you introduced them to. When Mama’s Gun released the consensus was that it was not a strong follow up to Baduism because it didn’t mimic Baduism’s commercial success. Low key calling it a flop.
Why is that?
The thing about the music industry is that they want hits and only hits. This is back when radio mattered. They do not care for any food for your mind or your soul. Erykah provided that on Baduism but the popularity of all the singles she released from that album backed her into a corner. Again labels want more singles and hit records. They wanted Erykah to work on Mama’s Gun with Babyface and another artist that raped women who is currently in prison but their music have zero in common with Erykah. None at all.
Erykah is an artist she wants to create. Artists change. Artists grow. Real listeners of the music accept her growth and grow with her. Everything an artist creates is like their version of therapy. The industry doesn’t give a fuck about that so what they’ll do is create narratives as if that artist is crazy or fallen off. They did this to Erykah. They tried to spin it as if Mama’s Gun wasn’t Baduism and that it was a step backwards.
They’re right. Mama’s Gun wasn’t Baduism. Mama’s Gun was better. She didn’t take a step backwards she transcended to a space that labels and greed couldn’t understand. Not only did Mama’s Gun teach me about the different aspects and emotions of womanhood but it was nurturing towards me as a male listener.
To have a black woman and black women in general go through so much abuse and disrespect in society and STILL care enough to teach me, a man is amazing. A good example is Times A Wastin where she is singing to me to not let life just pass me by. It’s as if I’m resting my head on her heart and listening to her comfort and guide me. She’s telling me that we’re living in a world so strange and navigating through it I will slip but everything will be okay if I learn from my past. She is being my peace when she doesn’t have to be.
When I feel lost Mama’s Gun gives me direction because it’s a record that sounds as if a mother is teaching her children. Crazy enough a few days ago was the 22nd anniversary of Amadou Diallo murder at the hands of the racist NYPD and hearing Erykah lyrics cry through the acoustics and her vocals for that brother on A.D 2000 was so sad and angelic. I didn’t know about the story as a kid but as an adult reading that 41 shots were fired at him and 19 of those shots hit him I am almost moved to tears every time I hear A.D 2000.
From the womanhood aspect it changed everything I thought I knew as a child about women. It showed me that women can be jealous, be in love, insecure, confident, unsure, and express all of those feelings. It showed me that vulnerability is normal. It highlighted the importance of self expression for black women.
It revealed a side of women I never seen and made me recalibrate my thoughts and left me questioning everything I witnessed. I began thinking about what the women in my life were thinking and really going through and why did they feel they had to place a barrier around their emotions?
Songs like Cleva where she is discussing what society views as her flaws and her confidently embracing them instead of accepting their standards of what’s beautiful. Didn’t Cha Know highlighting indecision and being lost but celebrating rebirth and finding self after being lost. Bag Lady reflecting on self love and the baggage you carry can stop you from flourishing and block the blessings in store for you. Green Eyes showing the emotions and stages of a relationship that is ending. The jealousy, the denial that it’s ending, and accepting and attempting to repair what is lost.
Listening to the album and hearing all these emotions I was certain that the women in my life went through these same scenarios and felt the same emotions but may have not had the outlet to express them in healthy ways or felt it would be weak for them to show vulnerability to anybody even if they trusted them. I believed that they felt this way because the men in their life didn’t create a safe space for them to express those feelings. They protected the women physically but didn’t really grasp the concept of creating venting space for the women they’re protecting. Mama’s Gun showed you how to navigate through your emotions regardless if you were a man or woman.
Mama’s Gun was a risk in terms of the album success that came before it. Mama’s Gun was more creative. More adventurous. It wasn’t repetitive. It was human. It was introspective. It was more parallel to what black women experience in life. What The Soulquarians did on that 4 album run with Erykah, D’Angelo, The Roots, and Common in the late 90’s and early 2000’s was create truthful uplifting black music. The use of black love on these classic album is like nothing I ever seen.
Moral of the story is that black womanhood is the essence of black liberation and I need a good paper full of tree on an island with Mama’s Gun on repeat.
Peace
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