THE SOCIAL ANXIETY TALK

I used to get asked how I’m able to focus on writing from the standpoint of being able to sit down and actually do it because sitting down and actually putting the words on the page is the tough part. 

I am able to write good and at such a high volume because of my social anxiety. 

Yes, you read correctly. My social anxiety is not only the reason I write so much but it’s the reason why I write in general. 

I always felt that people wouldn’t understand me when I talked so I always preferred to write my feelings down. It made me feel comfortable.

As a kid I didn’t talk much. My momma used to be that person that pull up on everybody so I’m with her going to people crib or different places and she talkative and I’m just quiet as fuck praying to God that whoever she talking to don’t say shit to me. Social settings frightened me. I rather fight people than speak to people that weren’t my close friends or siblings. 

At family functions it took me maybe 2 hours to come out my shell. Something as simple as wanting a Pineapple Vess, I’d sit somewhere thirsty as fuck afraid to go into the kitchen because I would have to actually speak to whoever in there just to get a soda. 

I feared the kitchen in any setting. The kitchen is where people tend to congregate or it was next to the space where everybody congregates so it’s like a gauntlet you have to go through. You either have to walk through the space to get to the kitchen and get blitzed with small talk or have people in the kitchen hitting you with small talk. It’s awkward and talking made me feel awkward so I was afraid of it. I would sit in a room starving just cause I wanted to be in the kitchen alone. 

The only way you could get me to talk as a kid was share a common interest with me and you would have to bring it up. When I’m into something I’m really into it like obsessed type shit so I’ll never shut the fuck up about it. You talk about anime, I wont shut the fuck up. Talk about music, I wont shut the fuck up. Movies? I will not shut the fuck up. 

Lastly on this trip down memory lane about Benny’s childhood is that social anxiety made me a terrible student. I never talked to my teachers. I would never ask for help. I would rather fail than raise my hand and admit I had no clue what the teacher was talking about. I already had attention issues but to combine it with the feeling of embarrassment that everybody understood the assignments and I didn’t would really hurt my feelings. I felt dumb as fuck and alone. I was afraid to speak up. I barely made it out of middle school and high school because of it. If I was kid in today’s generation I’m certain I would’ve dropped out and wrote scripts. 

Just everything that has to do with people listening to me, reading what I write, or watching me I’m nervous as fuck. Always. 

I’m here to share with whoever deals with social anxiety of how I deal with it day to day and some tips on how to control it the best you can. 

First let’s look at what social anxiety is. Social Anxiety Disorder (S.A.D) is a disorder that causes fear in social settings. So you have trouble meeting new people, talking to people, and going to social gatherings. You feel this extreme pressure and judgement from people if you speak in any capacity. 

Social anxiety is more than shyness. It’s an actual phobia. 

As an adult what you may do is use a vice to help you deal with your social anxiety. Things like drugs and yes alcohol is a drug. 

It was hard for me to control my drinking because when I was at events it was a must I drink before I got there. At least be 50% fucked up before showing up. Alcohol made me forget about social anxiety but here’s the trade off, I’d look and sound stupid as fuck. I say a lot of dumb shit when I’m drunk. I talk too fucking much. I do too fucking much and then when tomorrow comes I’m embarrassed as fuck at my behavior from yesterday. 

Smoking weed doesn’t really do shit for my social anxiety because one I don’t like being high in social settings for the simple fact my high is sacred and I don’t want anyone to blow it. I like chilling and being fried. I like being able to think about things high or watch interesting documentaries and movies high. 

Overall substance abuse is not the route to go when dealing with social anxiety not only because it’s not healthy but because it’s going to heighten everything when you’re sober. The negative thoughts and negative self talk will increase. You will become more isolated. Your self esteem will get lower. You won’t be assertive in any capacity. 

Here are some tips though.

An obvious one is ask for help. Go to therapy. Seek professionals. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. This is your life and it’s nothing to play with. You want to live the healthiest life you can and seeking professional help is the way to go. 

Get yourself a fire ass fit. New outfits make me social as fuck. Yall bout to see how ravishing I look and I’m gonna talk my shit. When I got the floral patterns with my chest out conversation is not difficult. Explore wearing something you haven’t tried yet too. Something outside of what makes you comfortable. A new fit will make you feel good about yourself. 

You need to find a support group. People who know what you’re going through and are willing to help. So tell your friends that you struggle with social anxiety and how it makes you feel. I am irritable sometimes because of my social anxiety. My friends know that. Tell them what you feel and what you would need from them if you have an episode or a panic attack. 

Take care of your body. THIS HELPS A GREAT FUCKING DEAL. Now you may have anxiety about working out in public. Totally fine. Improving my physical health helped a lot because I looked at it like okay mentally I’m not where I want to be yet but I don’t want to add to my problems by being out of shape physically. You can workout at home alone if you don’t feel comfortable going to a gym. Eat healthy because if you’re eating terrible food and drinks all the time it fucks with your brain not just your body. 

Sleep. Sleep is a priority. No lower than 7 hours at least 5 days a week. The less sleep you get the more your anxiety will have an advantage. 

Congratulate yourself on small achievements. You said good morning to everybody at work. Congratulate yourself that’s a huge step for you. You met 1 new person at an event and actually had a great conversation. Congratulate yourself. Every step matters no matter how small or big. 

Just jump in the pool. Living with social anxiety I just started jumping into things. No matter how anxious and nervous I am. It’s like the first jump into the pool. It’s gonna be cold but I hurry up and get it over with so my body can adapt to the pool temperature. If I’m at a work meeting I speak so I can get the awkwardness out the way. Once I’m adapted I realize it’s not that bad and I calm down. Accepting invitations to social events. Half the battle is won if you just show up. Show up and talk to one person you never seen before. Yes it’s uncomfortable but it’s a step you have to take. 

Alone time. A lot of people who have social anxiety are introverts. I am an introvert which means I’m a hermit by nature I love being home. It’s where I recharge and when you’re dealing with social anxiety it’s okay to step away and be alone. Sometimes I let my people know that I just need some alone time to gather my thoughts and recharge. People will not take it personal and if they do they’re not for you. Your health and self awareness is key to your growth. 

Laugh. Laugh as much as possible. Laugh at your own jokes. Laugh at other people. Laughter is underrated medicine. 

Doing the opposites of your Yes’s and No’s. The things you say yes to start saying no to them. The things you say no to start saying yes to them. So are you always doing favors because you’re afraid to say no? Well, start saying no. Are you always saying no because you’re afraid to go out? Well, start saying yes. 

Go out of town. Solo or group. Doesn’t matter. Experience a different culture and scenery. It’s great practice for your anxiety because you’re not from the place you’re visiting. 

Realize that just because something didn’t work doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of receiving joy. I’ve failed at a lot of things. I’ve had plenty of things that didn’t work out but that just meant that those blessings weren’t meant for me at that time. Continue to make changes for the better and don’t let your confidence waiver. 

Go be great. Talk a little. 

Peace, Benny