ARE YOUR GOALS YOURS?

Is the goal for you or is the goal for someone else? 

2025 has started and goals are set all over the world. Billions of people are on this floating rock in space and that means there has to be an infinite number of goals set for people. Big goals. Small goals. Short goals. Long goals. They’re all set. 

I just have one question in regards to any and all goals you have set for yourself. Are your goals yours? 

The “why” is always important in everything we do because everything matters. Things may matter more or less but regardless of how we feel, everything matters because it affects something in the world. 

Are the goals you set for yourself truly yours or are your goals for someone else? 

I’m a man. An imperfect man. I have set a goal for myself to speak more in person. I have social anxiety and doing simple things like saying “good morning” or saying “hello” first is very difficult for me. I have a “I don’t speak unless I’m spoken to” personality and I do not know why I am this way. 

I’m a curious man so I set the goal of always being the first one to say “Hi” in person. I want to see if I can turn this into a habit and I believe it will help me take a step in the right direction in dealing with my social anxiety. I believe I have a lot to share and I think that this affects my mental health in a positive way. 

This goal is mine and it’s for me. I’m not wanting to speak more because it will get me more friends or help me date more women. I set this goal with my mental health in mind first. Would it help with the previous points I’ve mentioned? Yes, but they’re not the driving points of my goal. 

Let me give you two examples. 

It’s like a woman wanting to learn how to cook for a man. Why wouldn’t she want to learn for herself first? If she is learning how to cook for a man or future men she dates then the men own the goal and not her. The goal is not hers. What if she doesn’t enjoy cooking? What if she meets a guy who doesn’t really care about her cooking? Do you think she will keep cooking? Probably not because the motivation to cook has been removed which means she didn’t really care for the goal in the first place. It wasn’t hers. 

A man is only going to the gym because he wants attention from women and believes that he will be more desirable to more women if he’s in shape. He starts a program where he’s in the gym 4 days a week. Over time he’s losing weight but he’s noticing that the results with women haven't changed. He eventually stops going to the gym consistently because of it. Why? The goal was not his. Women who he didn’t even know owned his goal. 

It’s all about understanding what you value? What do you truly care about? The life you want to create for yourself is important because you’re the one who’s in charge of your life. Outside factors shouldn’t have more say over your goals than you do. 

Ask yourself these questions. 

If the motivation for your goal is removed will you continue to pursue your goal? 

Are you the owner of the goal? 

Are you pursuing the goal for you or to meet someone else’s expectations? 

There are people and things that influence your goals but you have to want it more for yourself than the influences. Wanting to be a better friend to your friends is a good goal but do you want to be a good friend because you’re afraid of being alone or do you want to be a good friend because it’s the right thing to do and it makes you feel good? 

The influences of your goals work for you. The influences of your goals are your employees but you are the boss of your goals and always should be. Your goals should always be yours. Own them. 

Love, Benny