All the music festivals I've been to doesn't compare. The festivals I've never had the pleasure of attending doesn't compare. They've tried to recreate and imitate it. No luck. It was so epic it might as well been a myth. It's a myth to me cause I never had the chance to go. I was too damn young of course. I've only seen it on TV. The lineup? Unfuckwitable. I don't care if that's not a word, today it is. We're talking about the GOD of festivals. The LEGEND of concerts. The last GREAT one. Woodstock 99 aka The Land Of Titties (They were everywhere).

I wanted to do a different review and something I've never seen anyone else do to my knowledge. When I'm chilling on weekends and not going anywhere because I'm poor as fuck. I usually find myself on youtube around midnight falling into the abyss of watching old music videos and concerts for at least 3 to 5 hours and it always feel like just 30 minutes but it really is 3 to 5 hours. If I fall into the abyss it's the nail in the coffin for the night. Oh you want me to come to this kickback? It's cracking! Nope! I'm watching Jodeci perform on Arsenio Hall show in the shittiest quality imaginable but it's lit. You want me to come to the bar? Sorry! I'm watching Luther Vandross sing the panties off every woman in the building and Nirvana Live At Redding which is much more thrilling than coming home alone smelling like cigarettes with no woman because I'm a 5. Let me get back on track. I always like to watch old concerts on youtube mainly Woodstock performances. I honestly believe that's why youtube was invented. Old Videos and Concerts. I know what you're thinking. The answer is Yes! I'm saying youtube was not built for your shitty web series it was built for vintage fucking music you attention seeking jabroni.

Today I shall throw it back. I'm not into throwback thursday on any platform unless it's cool baby pictures or music related but this is music related and I'm going to review a few of my favorite sets from Woodstock 99. It's sad it ended the way it did. Women were raped, lots of overdoses, no water, fire and destruction, just a truly sad sight and disgrace. I don't condone none of that fuck shit. The weekend changed festival culture forever, possibly for the better in regards to public safety. The music was timeless but innocent lives come first.

Let's not even really call this a review because realistically I can't do that because I wasn't physically present and it's too many artists. This will be like highlights and shit. I will pick a few performances and tell you how I feel about them and yes I'm rating dem tittays in the crowd too. You ready? Let's get it.

JAMIROQUAI

This is my favorite band of all time Jamiroquai. Smooth. Funky. Deep. A lot of cool shit. I have two goals. One. I move to a cool crib in either New York or Los Angeles and I only unpack my speakers and play Jamiroquai loud as fuck while dancing and sliding around in my socks. Two. I get high as fuck with my woman (If I ever get one) and we fuck to Jamiroquai and then eat some rice in New York or Los Angeles. I thoroughly enjoyed the fuck out of this set. Jay comes out in his signature weird ass peacock hat, skipping, jumping around, and he has on a soccer dad shirt. They kick it off with "High Times" a personal fave of mine. The horns and dj scratching was on point on this shit and Jay just being Jay laid the smooth vocals on the crowd and danced. The intro to "Space Cowboy" was fucking crazy cause of the horns again. The whole set was just awesome and like a gentleman Jay compliments all the titties he sees during his set. He seen a pair so lovely he asked if he could frame them and take them home while singing and even got the crowd to chant "Breasts" over and over. THE GOAT!

PERFORMANCE - 5/5 FRUIT SNACKS!

FAV SONGS - PLANET HOME, HIGH TIMES, SPACE COWBOY, TRAVELING WHILE MOVING

DEM TITTAYS - 5/5 FRUIT SNACKS! I SEEN MORE GOOD ONES THAN BAD.

KID ROCK

Never really been a huge Kid Rock fan. I've only heard one of his albums which was "Devil Without A Cause." The album is tight I just never really listened to him much. I like the way this set kicked off with a recording playing of the different ways you can say "Fuck." The band and dj then came out and warmed up I liked his drummers energy she came to fuck shit up. I love passion in artists and the build up to bawitdaba (The 1st song performed) she wasn't fucking playing. The drummer was that deal the whole hour set. Kid Rock comes out in a mink and cane on some Detroit Playa shit only thing missing was two strippers and of course when the song drops the earth shakes. Mosh pits everywhere. Energy high as fuck. This sets the tone for his set. Devil without a cause is the follow up track and he killed that shit along with the late great Joey C aka Mr 3 Feet 9 with a 10 foot..... I'll let yall finish that. (Rest In Peace). Bullgod was hype and "Fortunate Son" was beautifully done. This was a great set mixed with metal, rap, old rock, and country. A water bottle shower happened at the end too. Well done!

PERFORMANCE - 5/5 FRUIT SNACKS

FAV SONGS - BAWITDABA, FORTUNATE SON, I AM THE BULLGOD

DEM TITTAYS - 1/5 WASNT TOO MANY I SEEN. IM SADSIES!!!

INSANE CLOWN POSSE

WORSE GREAT SHOW EVER. Lets get the worse out the way. The Dj was weak as fuck. The music I didn't understand. There was a naked man dancing (A MILLION PAUSES). What in the entire fuck? They had literally a 1000 bottles of soda and was pouring it on themselves and kicking the bottles into the crowd. Now you're asking yourself, What's great? Titties ladies and gentlemen, that's what. I'm not even a titty dude even though this review makes me seem like one. I like nice faces and legs but GAWDAMN the titties was nice on this set. They were on the stage. In the crowd. EVERYWHERE. The fact these women are probably mother's today is awesome! How many mother's can say they ran on a stage covered in soda and showed they titties at Woodstock 99 during a shitty I.C.P set? Can't do shit but look back and laugh at that shit. Another real highlight was the fine ass mixed chick that was fully clothed sitting on someone shoulders. She was sensational bruh! They also power bombed someone through a table on stage on some D-VON GET THE TABLES Dudley Boyz shit. I've never listened to I.C.P ever and this performance proved I was smart as fuck for never doing so but damn this set was entertaining outside of the music. HILARIOUS!

PERFORMANCE - 0/5 FRUIT SNACKS. WATCH ON MUTE.

FAV SONGS - SONGS? THERE WERE SONGS?

DEM TITTAYS - 5/5 FRUIT SNACKS. SAVED THE SHOW.

LIMP BIZKIT

In my junior high years Limp Bizkit was one of the most talked about bands in the world. They had some songs I've liked. I've never really had a problem with their music but if you listen to their prime shit today you'd be like "wow I actually liked this?" The music is so goofy to me. I challenge you to listen to "Nookie" today and not laugh. Let's get to the performance. Fred Durst is an average frontman. He's not bad but not great. The band is dope and sometimes they carried this set. Fred just happens to be there with mic in hand. It's hilarious cause some moments his energy is high matching his band members energy and other moments he's just lethargic. The mic's were also fucking up on the set so that didn't help. Fred's voice is also hit or miss. It's either tolerable or annoying. I guess it depends on your mood. I liked "Show Me What You Got" even though the mic's was fucking up during it. On "Counterfeit" Fred shows some energy and passion so that song was performed really well. They flat out killed "9 Teen 90 Nine" that was my favorite song of the set. They were clicking on all cylinders and went on a roll right into the next song "Thieves" and P.Diddy was watching and liked what he was seeing. The grand finale of "Faith" being performed on top of the crowd as Fred crowd surfed on a big ass piece of wood was legendary.

PERFORMANCE - 4/5 FRUIT SNACKS

FAV SONGS - NOOKIE, FAITH, 9 TEEN 90 NINE, THIEVES

DEM TITTAYS - 0/5 NOTHING IMPRESSIVE

DMX

Simple. Greatest Rap Performance Of All Time. One Dj. One M.C. A hundred thousand people. He had all of them white folks saying "Nigga" and the performance made me overlook it, that's how epic he was. They hung onto his every word. He could've fucked every woman in the crowd that day. He just had that much juice. Mosh pits to "Ruff Ryders Anthem." It was Just a masterful showing from start to finish. The stage presence. The crowd control. The energy. The passion. A true clinic on how to be an M.C. This is why DMX is considered one of the greatest artists to ever grace the game. It reminded me of how special this guy was.

PERFORMANCE - 5/5 FRUIT SNACKS

FAV SONGS - ALL THEM MOTHAFUCKAS

DEM TITTAYS - 3/5 FRUIT SNACKS A FEW.... A FEW.

RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS

Flea runs out butt ass naked and proceeds to jam on the bass and play naked the whole set but that's expected from Flea. He was a MONSTER on the bass the whole set. The naked shit. PAUSE! This is one of my favorite bands ever but Kiedis vocals weren't the best in spots on this set. I've seen him do way better in other shows but he still finished like a champ and jammed. They came out the gate with the hits "Give It Away", "Stage Banter" definitely setting the set off. This whole set was just funky. Kiedis vocals were a lot better on "Suck My Kiss" and he seemed to be finally hitting his groove. Flea continued to dance naked and encouraged assholes in the crowd not to grab the titties (Fuck rape, sexual assault, etc, that's not the wave). Oh! The drummer Chad looks like Will Ferrell. Every time I see him I laugh cause I think of the movie "Old School." If i'm not mistaken I think the fires started breaking out after this set I could be wrong but this was a pretty solid and smooth showing.

PERFORMANCE - 4/5 FRUIT SNACKS

FAV SONGS - SUCK MY KISS, GIVE IT AWAY, EASILY, UNDER THE BRIDGE

DEM TITTAYS - 3/5 FRUIT SNACKS RESPECT THE TITTIES! THANKS FLEA!

KORN

Easily a Top 5 band of the 90's. The best is debatable. This performance was Korn at their peak. Jonathan Davis is one of the greatest frontmen in rock history and he shows it here. They kicked it off with "Blind" and as soon as the crowd hears "ARE YOU REAAAADY", the crowd explodes. No Snapchat. No Instagram. No Phones. Just people going crazy in the moment. I had that moment when I seen Erykah Badu with The Roots earlier this year. I put my fucking phone away. I wanted that moment to myself but Back to Korn. You know Jonathan is spitting his jibberish all over this set like he did on "Freak On A Leash". This shit was just so explosive and raw it would be hard to fuck up this performance. They destroyed "Got The Life" and "Good God" and Jonathan kept up the high energetic pace the whole show he most definitely lost weight after that shit. Fieldy was doing his thing on the bass. Munky and Head also were holding their own. This show was just perfect start to finish.

PERFORMANCE - 5/5 FRUIT SNACKS EASILY

FAV SONGS - GOOD GOD, BLIND, FREAK ON A LEASH, GOT THE LIFE

DEM TITTAYS - 0/5 FRUIT SNACKS AND I DONT BLAME EM. TOO MUCH CRAZINESS FOR THAT!

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE

I told you earlier Jamiroquai was my favorite band but If we're just talking rock only, Rage Against The Machine is my favorite rock band of all time. I remember their videos being played on the legendary channel 58, "The Box" but I never cared because back then if it wasn't a rap or r&b video I wasn't watching it. They also had a track on the Lord of extreme sports games "Tony Hawk Pro Skater." I didn't get into Rage until I was in college when a friend of mine recommended them to me. After that I was hooked. Zack just dropping knowledge about AmeriKKKa's corruption over rock instrumentation was just genius. They were basically Public Enemy but with one of the greatest guitar players we've ever seen. You can tell they we're heavily influenced by Public Enemy and they have mentioned that in past and even performed with Chuck D in the past. I went back bought all their shit and prayed and prayed that a reunion show would be played near me. The show hasn't happened but I'm still holding on to faith. Next to DMX this was my favorite performance footage I've seen at Woodstock 99. Rage gets straight to the point when they kick the show off with "No Shelter" and Zack setting the tone by shitting on the sheep of this country for trading in their history for VCR's. I'm a sucker for mic and crowd control and Zack does that shit effortlessly. He wants you to feel what the fuck he's teaching you. It's a activist hype as fuck, with no fear telling you why this country is evil. The music they played that summer night in 1999 has possibly more relevance today than it did back then. The line in this song "Bury the past, rob us blind, and leave nothing behind" says it all. The songs "People Of The Sun" and "Know Your Enemy" followed. Rage just came out the gate swinging and "Know Your Enemy" was a sight to behold as the crowd chanted in unison "ALL OF WHICH ARE AMERICAN DREAMS" repeatedly. I watched them perform "Born Of A Broken Man" in fucking awe. The raw energy and passion was just too real. The mosh pits in the crowd. You can't fake that shit. It's what separates good artist from the great ones. The drummer and bass Tim and Brad are jamming the fuck out, Zack is spitting vicious lyrics and uncontrollably shaking his dreads and you know who's left. The God. The man on every top 10 "Greatest Guitarist List" Tom Fucking Morello. This set is proof why this man is one of the most creative guitar players ever. He plays the shit like it's a keyboard and scratches on it like a Dj. The song "Bullet In The Head" he just shows why he's in another atmosphere and at that point he was just showing off and of course Zack was zoned out, while raging and the crowd was feeding off the energy. I don't think 16 years ago that crowd had any idea what they were witnessing. This was art fully evolved and serving it's purpose. The energy of this set was just non fucking stop, from "Bulls On Parade" to "Wake Up" to "Vietnow" it was basically one of those 3 character mega combos from Marvel vs Capcom 2 over and over again. Every song was executed to perfection and they ended it by living up to their name and burning the American flag while performing "Killing In The Name." This performance may have showed us the end of a great era in rock music because it hasn't been the same since. This is how you perform kids! This is RATM!

PERFORMANCE - 10/5 FRUIT SNACKS. NO DEBATE!

FAV SONGS - ALL OF THEM. I SAID ANOTHER ONE IN DJ KHALED VOICE AFTER EVERY SONG.

DEM TITTAYS - TOM MORELLO GUITAR SKILLS JUST MIGHT BE BETTER THAN TITTIES.

There you have it ladies and gentlemen. A few of my favorite performances at Woodstock 99. Go to youtube and search for these gems. Grab some food. Enjoy the music. Enjoy the titties. Peace and Love!

- Benny