RANDOM THOUGHTS DURING BATMAN VS SUPERMAN

I HATE TRAILERS.

Suicide Squad trailer was of course shown during the previews. I stopped watching previews when it comes to superhero films. They give too much away and I like to be surprised. I closed my eyes and covered my ears. 

PRETZEL BITES OR FUNNEL CAKE?

I went with the pretzel bites and they were meh. Basically the pretzel bites foreshadowed the feelings I would have for this movie. You never bet against Funnel Cake. I know God had to be disappointed in my decision at that moment. I went home after the movie was over and repented for my sins. The theater ran out of the White Cherry Icee flavor too. The movie gods were trying to tell me something at this point. I should've snuck in a box of Hot Tamales and a fish plate into the theater as I had planned. 

I NEVER SEEN ANYONE PARENTS DIE MORE THAN BATMAN'S. 

I feel like an asshole but then again this is fiction so I shouldn't. I don't give a fuck about Bruce Wayne's parents dying. It's in the category of "Fuck em. I'm glad they're dead." A category you place people like Hitler, people who don't like tacos, and Child Rapists in. I'm glad they're dead because we've seen them die for almost 30 years. I motioned my hand like I was at home holding my remote pressing fast forward as if I was watching this shit on my DVR. I forgot I was in the theater. 

LEX LUTHOR IS ANNOYING AS FUCK.

The Lex Luthor I'm most familiar with is the one in the cartoon that used to come on The WB. The Lex Luthor in this movie was trying his hardest to be Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight." I've always seen Luthor as a criminal genius. A boss. Luthor in this film is a kiddy, spoiled rich punk with a Peter Brady puberty voice. Every time he was on the screen I was waiting for Kristen Stewart to appear and say "James. What the fuck are you doing? Let's go back to Adventureland like the good ol days." She would say these things with the personality of a pair of gym socks and the same blank face of course. Could you imagine having sex with Kristen Stewart? You could fuck the shit out of her and her facial expression wouldn't change. I'd look down at my dick in utter confusion. 

Anyway. I'm not saying Jesse isn't a good actor but damn he's annoying. This felt like overacting 101. I know he wanted to be like "The Joker" in The Dark Knight but what made Heath's Joker incredibly great outside of him being a complete psychopath is that the writing for that film made sure you knew why he was doing what he was doing. He had one motive and that's to bring out the worse in everyone. Make Batman break his rule. Break Harvey Dent. Break society. It was all tied to each other. Luthor in BVS is all over the place with his motives. You hate Superman because you think he believes he's god. You hate him because maybe he reminds you of your dad. You're jealous. You're just crazy. I'm like what the fuck is it? The writing for him in this movie wasn't consistent to me. 

LOIS LANE NEEDS TO STAY IN THE FUCKING HOUSE.

How many times is he going to save this broad in this movie? If I was Superman I would've been dumped this chick. Sit yo ass down somewhere. I'm tired of your shit. Every time he saved her she never let him know what's going on either. You want to know how to be a shitty girlfriend ladies? Watch this movie. 

WHY IS BATMAN CLUELESS?

Batman is probably the greatest detective ever because his fortune gets him information. It's an advantage. He usually has a grasp on the situation before he gets into shit. He was played like a fucking fiddle throughout this movie. It was just really weird to see. He really didn't know shit about shit. It was the only thing about Ben Affleck's Batman I didn't like. Other than that he was solid. I thought I wouldn't like him. I was shocked. 

BATMAN VS SUPERMAN

The actual fight was kind of funny. I just seen it as two confused heroes with these dumb ass feelings fighting for no fucking reason. It was definitely action packed. Superman knows damn well he could've filled him in on Luthor's plan right there at that moment but if he did then there will be no fight. Right? I just wanted Batman to just say "Hey Superman, I fucking hate you and you're stealing all the glory I want. You gotta die so Alfred can help me build more cool toys to save people with." I just wanted Batman to be truthful. I think the fight would've made more sense then. 

WONDER WOMAN. 

Didn't know she was going to be in the movie. She was the best part of the movie to me. She was just low key chilling and then BAM! She was whooping ass. She fine as fuck too. Tall ass can get the business. 

DOES SUPERMAN HATE HIS MOM? 

You can hear Lois Lane in trouble all across the world and save her but you couldn't hear your mom being kidnapped or find where she is being hidden? She has the right to never cook another meal for your ungrateful alien ass ever again. 

DOOMSDAY?

I never thought Doomsday would be so forgettable. I was shocked to see him but I felt like he was rushed in. The fight scene was awesome but I just left the theater like damn Doomsday is just over. Just that quick. I hope Darkseid or Brainiac's transition into future movies will be more memorable (I'm assuming they will be in future movies not sure if they will be). Honestly DC has no room to fuck up after this movie at this point. 

THE JUSTICE LEAGUE

I'm not into the whole Marvel vs DC thing. I know more about Marvel because it's what I grew up on. If I'm interested in the story I'll check it out. I don't care who made it. What I like about "The Avengers" is how smooth the build up to the first movie was. Marvel executed that perfectly. Each member with a solo movie then the infamous after credits clue/scene. DC is really trying to compete with Marvel so the hint of the Justice League in BVS is feeling rushed to me. I know Wonder Woman has a movie coming and after seeing her in this movie I'm actually excited to check it out but I pray they're careful with The Justice League. Just take their time and create something special. The action will be there. Action is easy. Please DC don't fuck this up. 

I don't like rating films so I'm not giving it a rating. This movie wasn't terrible but it wasn't all time great like it had the potential to be either. I had no expectations going into this film it was just okay in my opinion. It was just like "Man Of Steel." The build up was just okay but the action scenes were great. I definitely wont be buying it on Blu-ray. If I like a movie a lot I buy it on Blu-ray. The first hour of it is so slow I can't sit through that shit again. Superman is such a entity that he's hard as fuck to make a live action movie for. Comics and Cartoons he's dope but the transition to film is so difficult. He's too perfect. All in all I was disappointed I didn't order the Funnel cake. The true travesty of the night. 

- BENNY