LET'S TALK ABOUT RAPE

I'm going to start this off with a story. When I was a teenager my mom made me go to this teen group thing at church and of course I didn't want to go. I'm not trying to see a church on a weekday. This was like that teen summit show where teens come discuss real issues. There was this woman in my church that ran it and put it all together. She is about 8-10 years older than me and as the weeks went on everyone started to get comfortable with sharing situations they've gone through or been in. How they felt and what they thought. Topics like drugs. Sex. Bullying. Everything you can think of. You're not going to be too open about these things on the first meeting so of course it was crickets on the first week. It picked up the following weeks as people became more comfortable.

I'll never forget this. There was one week where the woman who ran the meetings shared a story about herself. She was on a date and she actually liked the guy she was on a date with so she was excited about it and out the blue she just started crying. Literally maybe 45 seconds into her talking she was crying. Everyone in the room was just like "WTF!" We asked if she was okay and she said she was fine and she continued to tell her story. She was on this date. The date went great and they went to a house party after their date. She said the night was normal. No signs of anything weird. Everybody at the party she knew from school and other schools in the city. She was comfortable. There was alcohol there of course. She didn't drink and neither did her date. They went to a room in the house to talk and get away from the party. Everyone has done this. You either go outside or to a room. It's nothing out of the ordinary at house parties. She said they were in a room and they were talking. Just talking about life and what colleges they were interested in and then out the blue her date kissed her. She didn't mind because she liked him. At that point she felt the night was perfect. They kept kissing and she explained he got more aggressive and his hands were trying to unbutton her jeans. She grabbed his hand and pushed it away and told him she didn't want to go that far. He said "Okay that's cool" and they kept kissing and he tried again. She stopped him again and told him she was not having sex. He kept trying to the point where he had her pinned down and her shirt got ripped from her trying to get distance from him. She couldn't believe what was happening. She pushed him off with her legs and she ran out the room and called a taxi and went home.

She said she didn't want to go to school that following week because her date went to the same school. She pretended to be sick for a couple days then she just outright skipped school when she couldn't pretend to be sick anymore. She said she felt embarrassed, awkward, scared, confused, betrayed. A guy she truly liked did something so cruel. She couldn't hear his name. She definitely couldn't see him and it didn't help that he was a popular guy around the school. Fear would just takeover her body, mind, and spirit. She said her high school experience was never the same after that moment and she was just counting down the days to graduate and just get away from everyone. We were the first people she ever told her traumatic experience to. She never told her parents. She never told her siblings. She never told her friends. She never went to the police. She told us. This is a very strong woman. The years I've known her she's always come off as fearless to me. For her to be so vulnerable in front of teenagers was a feeling I can't even put into words. This was a broken woman we were witnessing. The situation had to be almost 10 years old for her and it STILL had that effect on her. She tried to handle it alone and kept it bottled in for all those years. She was a newlywed at the time she told us this story at the teen meeting. Her husband is a good man. He didn't even know about her sexual assault/rape either. She told us because I guess we were teenagers and wanted to show us how serious life can be. She was the first person I ever knew that went through sexual assault/rape. I seen psychologically what it does to women. I've never seen someone so strong look and feel so helpless. 

The topic of rape was very popular on twitter the past few days. Whether the comments about the subject are good or bad. I'm pleased that it's being discussed. I hate that it happens to people. It's a disgusting act but people can learn from these types of conversations. We have to speak on these topics so we can do our part to try to help victims who need our help. Now why was rape the topic this weekend? A popular guy amongst the youth today Ian Connor was accused of being a serial rapist. Fuck it, he is one from the stories I've read. I don't really know what he does professionally I think he's a model or fashion dude I don't know. It will be the last time I mention his name in this post.  2 young women, Jean Deaux(Singer) and Malika Anderson have come forward with stories about their encounter with him and the stories are so eerie and similar that it's hard for me to say they're not telling the truth. Rape is serious so if I was ever personally accused of doing so by multiple women and I know I didn't rape them I would flat out come out and give specifics of the situations to prove my innocence and say no I did not rape these women. He has not done that. He's deflected it to them trying to come up off his popularity and he's not flat out denying it. It's very fishy. I never like jumping to conclusions with serious things like this because it destroy's lives. I just read these women stories and just sat back and it took me back to that teen meeting I went to at church. 

I didn't see a lot of slander for Jean. I'm sure people said a lot of evil shit to her on twitter but I didn't see it. Malika was just insulted left and right on the social media platform. Let me share with you some of the things I seen said about her and the defense of the guy.

"She gave him consent to eat her out. She knew he wouldn't be satisfied with that."

"He definitely isn't a rapist."

"That girl is crazy, that's what she gets."

"He didn't rape that girl don't believe everything on the internet."

"He's known for fucking bitches so it can't be rape."

"It's you hoes fault for going."

"These bitches just want a name."

Malika was just dragged through the mud. I really felt sorry for the young woman. What people have to understand is this. Rape is so psychologically damaging that a super high percentage of women who are victims will not come forward immediately. It's a crime that is so hard to convict people for unless you have DNA and physical damage as evidence. You saw in the story that I told that the woman in my church held that experience in for YEARS and didn't even tell her loved ones. So by people's logic who have made negative comments about the accusers, she is stupid and the guy didn't rape her because she waited too long to say anything. We have to end that bullshit of "It must not be true because she waited all that time to tell someone." I don't care if a woman sleeps around with a lot of guys or not. Whether she teases men naked, half naked, or fully clothed. I don't care if she lets you perform oral sex. If she says she doesn't want to have sex you have to respect that. I find it funny that when Malika came forward everyone brought up her sexual past. You don't like it when these media outlets bring up our past when we're being harmed by the police and system. You shouldn't bring up her past here. I could see if she had a past of accusing multiple men of rape but that's not the case. I seen on facebook a person comment on a rape case where a 13 year old was raped and her comment was "Well she shouldn't be dressing like she's a grown woman." So rape is okay if it happens to promiscuous women and young girls who dress like grown women? Rape is about control. Not about physical damage. I swear everyone think rape can only happen the way Ebony got raped by Junior in "Player's Club." I seen a grown ass man say on twitter that there was no physical damage so it isn't rape. This is the society we are living in guys and it scares the fuck out of me. I don't care what a woman past is or how many men she sleep with. If she says no that means no. 

Malika's story people could pick apart and make excuses for the accused because oral sex was involved and she consented to oral sex. Jean's story is what they really can't deny. It was like reading a horror story and it was really difficult for me to read because how vividly she explained it. If it was hard for me to just read it, I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to experience it and live with it. Jean doesn't give off the vibe of someone who would lie about something as serious as this. I have some homies who are close to her and from what I've seen. She is a very genuine person. If any of these young women were a loved one to these doubters, I highly doubt these stupid individuals would be saying the evil things they're saying. We have to stop thinking everything is for publicity, money, or for fame. I've never seen a woman who accused a man of rape get famous and earn millions immediately after. What could these women earn if they were lying or doing this for fame? A book deal? People acting like women will become billionaires for coming forward as victims of rape. We have to start paying attention before it's too late. It doesn't matter how long ago the crime was. It happened. If you killed a man in the 80's you can be charged for it today in 2016. A crime is a crime.  

I just had to vent about this. It was on my mind heavy this past weekend. I've seen what rape and sexual assault does to people. It literally snatches life, spirit, and mental stability from people. Lives are never the same. I stand with Malika Anderson and Jean Deaux. You both are very brave and strong for sharing your story to the world. God bless both of you and all the victims of rape and sexual assault. 

- BENNY