MOVIES THAT SCARE THE SHIT OUTTA ME
Hi my name is Benny Greenheart and here is a list of movies that scare the shit out of me.
BAD BOYS 2
2 black cops in Miami, Florida make enough money to buy plush cribs on a police salary. I don’t trust them niggas. It’s spooky.
HOME ALONE
Kevin McCallister puppeteered an entire fucking house of cardboard cutouts to confuse Marv and Harry. What fucking kid can do that? He set up all those traps in the house in under an hour. The kid has future serial killer with a weird name written all over him. You know Serial killers in the 80’s and 90’s were given names like “The Mead Composition Notebook Killer” or “The Granny Smith Apple Strangler” He strangles his victims and leaves a bitten granny smith apple next to his victims would be how they described him. Anyway Kevin was a sociopath and psychopath. He was Satan.
EVERY NICOLAS CAGE MOVIE EVER
His family gave us The Godfather but why in God’s name did they give us him? Put that on the list of mistakes for the Coppola family next to Godfather 3. Every Nicolas Cage movie scares me because he always has a mental meltdown, stupid laughs, and has shitty hair in them. All of them. Cage is proof of America keeping up the tradition of rewarding mediocrity.
LEAN ON ME
A woman in the movie who basically was a bitch wanted to get rid of a principal that actually CARED for the students safety and academics. He threw out drug dealers and killers in the school and this woman demanded he let them back in without any plan in place for them to prove why they should come back. Scares the shit outta me.
WEDDING CRASHERS
Owen Wilson’s nose terrifies me.
GOODFELLAS
I can never watch the end of this fucking movie cause it petrifies me. It’s one of my favorite movies and I’m disgusted every time I get close to the end because I know whats coming. A rat.
BLOW
You basically watch a man’s life get fucked in the ass for 2 and a half hours. Not a pretty sight.
SCARFACE
Tony Montana is the most despicable human ever. How can you not be afraid of this guy? He killed his best friend for marrying his sister. Him and Manolo were about to become actual brothers legally and he didn’t give a shit. Gave him a bullet for a wedding gift.
FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF
This movie scares me for numerous reasons. If you want to see white privilege at work well this movie is just for you.
Ferris skips school goes to a Cubs game and is on the huge screen at the ballpark and no one notices him yet he’s known all over town.
Jeanie just leaves school like it wasn’t shit.
A high school principal trespasses on a students property and breaks into a students home, assaults their dog and isn’t in jail or lost his job.
Ferris Bueller literally ruins everyones fucking day and life for one fucking day off. He’s a prick and a shitty friend. I assume Cameron is dead. Not figuratively I’m talking actually death like literally face down in a creek behind his parents house with multiple stab wounds in his chest from his father. There’s no way you and your dad are just having a chat after destroying his Ferrari. He’s not dad after that. He’s O.J Simpson.
JUICE
This nigga tried to kill all of his friends….. while sober. Wasn’t on crack, alcohol, coke, nothing. He was as sober as a nun and he wanted to put a bullet in all his friends for a reputation.
PRETTY WOMAN
Richard Gere whispers the entire movie like he’s Steven Segal. The guy name is Richard Gere, that’s scary enough. He sounds like a married accountant man who slaps his wife and neglects his son’s Matthew soccer games to sleep with his neighbor Janice Peterson.
George Constanza doesn’t make one funny joke in the movie.
He wifed a whore.
A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
The crazy stalker shit don’t scare me. What scares me is despite all the crazy shit Lynn Whitfield did in this movie I still wanna fuck. That’s some pussy I’ll gladly put my life on the line for. Beat your face with those oranges all you want and I’ll beat the pussy up right along with it.
GONE GIRL
A man cheated, got framed for murder, wife ran away, and he still couldn’t escape marriage. That’s a fucking horror movie.
CASINO
A casino boss put his trust in a hoe and that hoe almost got 4 men killed. Almost destroyed the mafia. Destroyed a Casino. Fucked her husbands best friend. Gave her only child mental trauma.
This is self explanatory.
50 SHADES OF GREY
Maybe it’s not scary but the thought of it makes me cringe.
A billionaire obsessed with a college student devotes his life to stalking the college student by just popping up wherever she is. Her job, her college friends party, her mother’s house. HE POPPED UP UNANNOUNCED AT HER MOTHER’S HOME IN ANOTHER CITY! That’s not romantic that’s fucking creepy. Why does he do all this? He does all this for her to sign a BDSM contract. He does this all for the love of butt plugs.
