A POLITE REVIEW: THE HANDMAID'S TALE EP 1

So I’m watching some shit on youtube and I see an ad with Poussey from “Orange Is The New Black” on it and I’m like “Oh she’s on another show and she cute as fuck so I gotta check it out. I don’t give a fuck about OITNB. It’s been weak as fuck since maybe Season 1 and maybe 2. It’s “meh” to me. 

I see the show “The Handmaid’s Tale” is on Hulu so I just press play. I didn’t even read the plot or summary of the show. I just started watching it. 

My god. I was not expecting what the fuck I saw. 

This show is fucking terrifying. Like really hard to watch low key. I’m usually into some sick fictional shit but this is really up there and what makes it better is that IT’S REALLY FUCKING GOOD SO FAR! 

We start EP 1 out with this family being chased and trying to get away in a Volvo and seeing that it’s a Volvo as a getaway car I knew they would get caught without question. Volvo’s are for Ned Flanders. Not high speed chases. 

The car crashes and a little girl and her mother flee on foot leaving the husband behind. Gun shots are heard soon after which most likely meant he was swiss cheese’d up. 

Men with assault rifles are looking for the mother and daughter and soon they’re discovered. The daughter is taken away and the mother tries to fight but she’s K.O’d by the butt of a rifle and taken away. 

We find out the mother name is Offred and she’s now dressed like a member of Little House On The Prairie. Offred is not her real name and it’s revealed it’s forbidden for her to have her real name. So I guess they named her Offred. A name that sounds like she hoards rats. 

Episode 1 is full of some frightening shit. It’s a lot to take in so I’m just going to speak on things that stood out for me. 

HANDMAID’S & MARTHA'S

Handmaids are fertile women who only purpose is to breed. That is it. They all wear the same uniform. Wearing cones that animals get around their head after having surgery. They talk like bible scriptures saying shit like “Blessed be the fruit” and “Under his eye.” They have no say in anything. They’re basically sex slaves. 

Handmaid’s travel in twos for their safety which is bullshit as you can see. They run errands and get fucked to get pregnant. I don’t think they’re allowed to read or know anything about the war in the country either.  

Martha’s are just housekeepers it looks like. They cook and serve home owners. They’re above handmaids. 

THE VILLAINS 

They’re all cunts. That’s basically it. This show is brilliant just off the fact that I hated characters not even 10 minutes into the show. I don’t give a fuck if they redeem themselves down the line I wish nothing but a horrible slow painful death for all of them. 

First person I hated was Serena Joy. She’s a evil jealous bitch with drunken russian mobster hair and she looks like Iggy Azalea. We learn immediately she’s pissed that Offred is living in her house. 

Serena’s husband Commander Waterford looks like a piece of shit who walks around like he’s god’s gift to humanity. 

Aunt Lydia is a human cesspool. This is what happens when her mother doesn’t swallow. They call these women who train the handmaid’s “Aunts.” They teach them to basically be breeding stock and feed them ridiculous teachings about women. Women are lower than garbage in this universe. They’re taught they’re only useful for breeding. That’s all. Aunt Lydia looks like the leader of the Aunts and she’s flat-out evil. 

There is heavy military presence everywhere. It’s revealed that they’re at war also. The chances of any rebellion seems hopeless. There are people who drive around in these black vans are called “Eyes” They’re are spies that are on the look out for any rebellion. 

THE RED CENTER 

This is the school for handmaids. School of bullshit. This shit was crazy. They’re taught that the current infertility of the nation is a plague from God and is their fault due to online dating apps and orgies in their previous lives yet they still need the handmaids to improve the low birth rates. 

Offred is brought here along with other kidnapped women and one of the women talks back to Aunt Lydia and she is electrocuted and taken away. The same girl is later brought back with a missing eye as her punishment. 

That’s not all. They have loving group therapy sessions where they discuss their trauma such as rape and are told it’s their fault for being raped and God allowed the rape as punishment. Makes them feel allllllllllll better. =) 

NARRATION 

Offred’s narration is really dope and sarcastic. It’s not annoying and it doesn’t takeover the show. They put it in the right spots and don’t really overdo it. 

THE CEREMONY 

The Ceremony is just sex with the handmaid’s to try and get them pregnant. Offred goes through with her’s and it’s not just normal sex. Nope, it’s like fucking a corpse and the wife holding the handmaid’s arms down. So Commander Waterford is fucking Offred while Serena Joy is holding Offred’s arms. A boring and disturbing 3 some no one wants to be apart of. 

The scene was disturbing as fuck but you see Serena is disturbed by it also and you can see she’s jealous of Offred. Why? Well one, since Offred is there it’s safe to assume Serena is an infertile asshole. Serena can’t get pregnant and she feels useless. Which she is. Two. Commander Waterford isn’t fucking her at all nor pays her any mind. Serena looks like she haven’t had dick and good conversation in years. The bitch is just unhappy.

MOIRA

Moira aka Poussey is Offred’s best friend from her past life and Moira is also a handmaid. She’s been a handmaid longer than Offred so she sort of helps bring Offred up to speed on how to act so she won’t get hurt. I love her no nonsense attitude and I hope we see a lot of her during the series. 

CIRCLE OF DEATH 

This shit was insane. So this guy rapes a pregnant handmaid. Rape is punishable by death. He’s caught and brought in front of the handmaids. All of the sudden these evil bastards have morals. Rape is bad but what the handmaid experiences is rape too. They get fucked against their will. So them punishing someone for rape is a contradiction. 

The handmaids form a circle around the rapist and they get to beat him to death. You know how much anger these women who are held captive want to let out? They’re not allowed to show much emotion. Offred took all her frustration out on that man which is understandable. 

WHO CAN YOU TRUST? 

Offred’s handmaid partner is someone she doesn’t care for but after beating the life out of rapist they actually bond with each other and you find out she is just like Offred. Didn’t think much of Offred. Is a parent like Offred. Handmaids only travel in twos for spy purposes. Not safety purposes. She shows Offred humanity when she reminisces about ice cream and her family. They’re truly meeting each other for the first time even though they’ve been together for 2 months. She warns Offred of an eye living in her house but at this point who the fuck could you trust? It could be a set up by her peer. Shit just not right. 

This show is scary as fuck mainly because this type of world isn’t impossible to live in. It could happen right now with the way women are treated today. Who would want to live in a nation like that? The women are NOTHING in this series. Even the wife. Serena is NOTHING. I wonder why she’s even around or what purpose does she serve?

The Handmaid’s Tale is a series that will be around for a long time. It’s that damn good.