"WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?"
I’m sure you’re familiar with the scenario. You just chilling minding your business. Not saving money spending it every chance you get and living reckless because life is LITTY AS FUCK! You doing natural drugs like weed and shrooms and spending $10 a day on food because you figure “Fuck it. If I’m not eating with this cash yet I might as well stay full and eat good every mothafucking day until those six figures come.” It’s because you a real nigga and you out here and you're quintessentially ratchet and somebody gotta ruin the fun by asking you ….
“When are you getting married?”
Look. I should fade you right now for asking me that question but I’m wearing unbelievably voguish threads and I’m not tryna fuck em up over you not minding your business but I’m in a good mood and I can talk about it.
Here are the 10 reasons I'm chillin on marriage and you should stop trying to force me to get married.
I really don’t give a fuck about getting married. If I ever do it will be 99% on whoever my woman is. First I’m going to ask why she wants to get married then we’re going to talk about the pro’s and cons of it given the current situation we’re in. What are the pros and cons of saying yes or no? Niggas just be getting married for the ring photo and surprise and wow factor and never even have a actual conversation about marriage.
I want my possible future wife and I to live a little before even talking about marriage. Translation we both need to go be hoes before we tie the knot. We both need to be wavy representatives for "Hoe is Life." I need my future wife to go overseas and have a one night stand with a foreign nigga that can barely speak english and don’t look as gorgeous as me but he’s a decent substitute for her at the moment. Let me get my Bobby Brown on minus the coke and have shorties lick my face like a rock star and fuck women on the hood of cars at 3:18am. Once our hoe-tivities have reached it's zenith that's when we come together and ask each other "What's Crackin?" I was a hoe. You was a hoe. This bond makes sense. Our union is much more clearer now. Let your lovers go be hoes first. Don't tie them down now. Let them be happy. The happier they are, the nastier they are. It works out for you in the long run.
I want my woman to leave me whenever she damn well pleases if she doesn’t wanna be with me no more. Once you’re married you’re under contract with the government. If we feel it’s not working out I’m a just take my blu-rays, drawls, and box of ice cream sandwiches and leave. She can do the same. It’s a open door policy. No lawyers. No courts. No bullshit. I don't want a woman to feel like she stuck with me. If it's not working it's not working and let's move on.
My nigga I’m out here reckless as fuck. I definitely need to turtle down on the thought of marriage. If you don’t turtle down with marriage that shit will be uglier than a Master P sneaker. Shit I need a relationship first and I’d probably fuck that up at this point. I’m super selfish right now. I kinda don’t wanna share food, money, weed, or time right now. I’ve made things about me lately. I'm getting way better at sharing now though. I actually invite people places now.
Weddings are expensive as fuck. My co worker is currently weeks away from his wedding and this dude ain’t smiled bout that shit at all. He’s seeing all the money he’s put into the wedding and regrets it. He don’t regret his woman he just regret not doing it his way and now he into deep to call it off. There’s so much money at stake. Dude could've bought a house with what he's invested into his wedding day.
If she fucks me while wearing a bonnet and while I wear my doo rag then technically we already married forreal forreal so no need for the extra shit. We already have marriage without the contract. Why fuck up a good thing?
What are our priorities and do they align? Do our careers align? Do we want to live in the same cities? Where do we see ourselves in 5 to 10 years? If that’s not figured out then marriage not poppin.
I’m not trying to learn someone as I go during marriage. People be straight married after 2 years together. Man 2 years not shit. A nigga would take a 2 year bid in prison in a heartbeat instead of going to trial. 2 years fly by fast as fuck and you can’t gauge someone off 2 years. I rather be friends with a woman for 2 to 3 years and then try a relationship. I see the same shit when people my age be divorced “I wish we started out as friends first.” It’s always the same story.
I gotta see how both our families fuck with each other for a while. My family like to joan and talk shit so if your family can’t take that shit there’s gonna be a problem. Plus I need to see what my woman family cooking like. I refuse to go to the other side of the family functions if the baked macaroni is worthless and basically mid. Nah I’m not going for that shit bruh.
Last but not least. The stage before marriage of where you really fuck with each other and find out you are both in love with each other only happens once. I wanna enjoy that. I wanna get as much out of that experience as possible. I’m not saying marriage would ruin it but to me sometimes marriage makes real love not feel real anymore. It's like damn we’ve reached the pinnacle of relationships. Oh I’m crazy too so that might play a part also. =)
