CHRISTMAS FOR REAL N**GAS
It’s Christmas time and shit. I really don’t give a fuck about the holidays I really can’t wait until it’s January 11th. Just a random normal day. I’m usually like Riley from The Boondocks when it comes to Christmas but since my life has changed I have a soft spot for Christmas again. I’m not a hotep but I understand the allure of the holidays. These are my thoughts on the holidays.
All my little cousins have brand new games so these little niggas can stop asking me if I got games on my phone. Them lil niggas will run towards me fast as fuck like them lil niglet dolls in Tales From The Hood to ask for my phone. For once they’ll leave me be.
I have a daughter so I can finally be a headass and match outfits with her. I ain’t had a Christmas fit in years. You niggas in trouble.
Talk shit about basketball with my cousins. Every year these niggas don’t know what they be talking about and I always gotta straighten em out.
Riding around nice neighborhoods and looking at lights and thinking about how these white folks light bill probably look like my Student Loan debt and they don’t have a care in the world.
I get to merrily tell all white people how trash egg nog is. Why are y’all drinking snot? And yes Vegan egg nog just as trash mainly because it’s impersonating mid. Why you wanna impersonate a carton full of mustiness?
I get to watch the greatest Christmas movie of all time “Die Hard” Yippie Ki Yay Mothafucka! My top 3 Christmas movies in order all time are Die Hard, Jingle All The Way, and Home Alone. I fuck with the original Grinch HEAVILY! Jingle All The Way is seriously underrated. If you remember how big Tickle Me Elmo, Furby, and Digi Pets were you’ll understand how accurate Jingle All The Way was. Our parents didn’t have amazon 2 day shipping back then. They were in Toys R Us going to war. Home Alone just an automatic at this point. A.C not in charge no more and that’s hella important. Can’t forget I’m watching A Christmas Story 6 times in one day.
This the only time of year I watch Lifetime. You ever watch some shit and you’re just stuck and you have no idea why you’re watching it? That’s Lifetime movies around the holidays.
I actually like buying people gifts. Like actual fire gifts. I never get good gifts aka I never get what I want but a nigga still grateful.
My brother was born on Christmas so celebrating his life will be an absolute joyous occasion.
Before the Government got in my business. Income Tax season was my Christmas. I was Santa forreal.
Liquor hit different around the holidays. Especially if you’re wearing a Santa hat. You ever had tequila while wearing a Santa hat? Might be up there as one of the best feelings along with bonnet pussy.
I don’t fuck with the Mariah Carey song forreal. I don’t hate it. Shit just wasn’t for me but an unpopular opinion of mine is liking The Chipmunks song. I don’t give a fuck that hula hoop part will forever be fire. Plus Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto by Snoop Dogg is the gem of the season. R.I.P Bad Azz.
More baked macaroni. Nigga in our family this is Thanksgiving Part 2 except niggas getting gifts and watching LeBron play.
If anyone wants to get me a gift here I’ll help you go in the right direction. A Tom Ford candle or Tom Ford Cologne. Chanel Cologne. A Nintendo Switch. Dassit forreal.
Do niggas actually make gingerbread houses? I’ve never seen one in person.
You get to see titties at their best at holiday parties. Nothing puts life in perspective like holiday titties. You know them titties hitting if you can see their prominence through the ugly holiday sweater. Work holiday parties are when everybody make their move.
I don’t think I ever ate breakfast on Christmas ever in my life. Always waited for that ham, Turkey, baked macaroni. But I guess it was easy when you just got shit like Pokemon Blue and a new game boy to fuck with. I was eating candy canes until like 3-4pm.
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