A POLITE REVIEW: WONDER WOMAN 1984

SPOILERS BELOW 

In 2017 Wonder Woman was one of my favorites when it dropped years ago because it was one of the films that DCEU did well. DCEU films are usually mediocre and simply put a mothafucking dumpster fire. Lets go down the list of trash films outta D.C. We have to be reminded of the incompetence of the DCEU. 

Batman vs Superman ….. FUCKING TRASH! ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT WAS A GOOD FILM IS A FUCKIN MORON AND DELUSIONAL. 

Suicide Squad …. MID!! SO MUCH POTENTIAL SQUANDERED. 

Justice League ….. THIS FILM IS SO ASS THAT INCELS ARE CLINGING ONTO A ZACK SNYDER DIRECTORS CUT TO SAVE THE FILM. FUCKING PATHETIC. 

Aquaman ….. DCEU IS SO MID THAT PEOPLE THOUGHT THIS MOVIE FULL OF SHITTY ASS DIALOGUE AND HORRIFIC CGI WAS A DECENT MOVIE. HOW THE FUCK A SUPERHERO MOVIE FEELS LIKE A PARODY OF A SUPERHERO MOVIE? 

Birds Of Prey ….. BORRRRRRRRRRRRINNNNNNNNNG!!!!! CLEAR MONEY GRAB. 

Wonder Woman, Shazam, and Man of Steel are the only good films outta the DCEU. 

Now here we are with Wonder Woman 1984. I was really anticipating this film because of how much I loved the first Wonder Woman and this is the first movie that premiered from the comfort of our own home. Being a person who loves the movie theaters I was pretty mixed on watching this at home but either way I would be watching as soon it becomes available. 

After Years of waiting I’m here to tell you that Wonder Woman 1984 is ASS. PURE ASS. 

Before I get into what earned this film a spot with the rest of the trash films above this in this blog I’ll tell you what I liked about the film. 

The actors were good. Gal Gadot portrays Wonder Woman really well. Kristin Wiig, Chris Pine, Pedro Pascal everybody did a good job portraying their roles. Acting wasn’t an issue. 

The beginning scene with a young Diana competing in a race in her home utopia was a really great and and the mall scene was really fun and exciting. 

Hans Zimmer score. Duh.

That’s where the good shit ends. Literally the first 20-25 minutes of the movie are the most watchable and from that point everything goes to ASSLAND. Let’s get into what makes this movie a fucking train wreck. Get ready cause there’s a lot and I’m going to yell. 

THE FUCKING VILLAIN IN THIS FILM WAS A ROCK. A GOT DAMN ROCK. 3 YEARS OF WAITING FOR THIS MOVIE AND THE VILLAIN IS A ROCK. I WANT TO FIGHT. NOW. 

WE LITERALLY NEVER SEE WONDER WOMAN IN THIS FILM. WE PROBABLY SEE HER 2 OR 3 TIMES. THE WHOLE FILM SHE’S JUST DIANA THE CIVILIAN. I WAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??? I’M GLAD THIS RELEASED ON HBO MAX BECAUSE I WOULD’VE BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA SOMEBODY IF I PAID MONEY TO SEE THIS SHIT IN THEATERS. 

THERE WAS NO ACTION IN THIS MOVIE AND WHEN WE GET TO THE FINALE THE ACTION WAS FUCKING TERRIBLE. THE SCENE IN THE FIRST WONDER WOMAN FILM WITH THE SNIPER IS LITERALLY BETTER THAN THE ENTIRE SEQUEL. I WASTED GOOD SNACKS ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT MOVIE. YOU HAVE ACTION AT THE BEGINNING THEN LITERALLY NOTHING IN THE MIDDLE AND A BORING ENDING. 

KRISTIN WIIG HAD NO PLACE IN THE FILM. NOT BECAUSE SHE WAS A BAD ACTRESS IT’S BECAUSE THE SCRIPT WAS WRITTEN BY THE MOST BORING MOTHERFUCKERS ON PLANET EARTH. AS A VILLAIN SHE’S COMPLETELY POINTLESS. THE CLUMSY GENIUS LOW CONFIDENT EMPLOYEE AT A SUCCESSFUL CORPORATION IS PLAYED OUT AND BORING. WE’VE SEEN IT IN BATMAN RETURNS, BATMAN AND ROBIN, SPIDER MAN. IT’S LAZY WRITING AND VERY FUCKING CLICHE. THEN HER FIGHT SCENE AT THE END WAS LACKLUSTER AND IN THE DARK BECAUSE DC SUCKS AT WORKING WITH CGI SO THEY HAVE TO HAVE THE FINAL FIGHT IN THE DARK TO COVER UP THEIR SHITTY SHORTCOMINGS AND MAKE IT SEEM DECENT. SHE WAS ONLY IN THE FILM SO WONDER WOMAN HAD AN OPPONENT TO FIGHT WHO HAD POWERS. SHE WASN’T GOING TO FIGHT MAXWELL LORD CAUSE HE’S JUST A DICKHEAD WHO’S PRETENDING HE’S THE DRAGON FROM DRAGONBALL Z GRANTING WISHES WHILE BEING A DEADBEAT FATHER. MY GOODNESS THAT FIGHT WITH CHEETAH WAS THE EPITOME OF ASS. 

WHY IS STEVE TREVOR BACK IN ANOTHER RANDOM HUMAN’S BODY? WHAT FUCKING SENSE DOES THAT MAKE? IT’S A FICTIONAL SUPERHERO MOVIE JUST BRING THE MOTHERFUCKER BACK IN HIS OWN BODY AND NO ONE WOULD CARE. WE CAN HAVE A ISLAND FULL OF AMAZON WOMEN ON IT WITH SUPERHUMAN POWERS BUT WE CANT BRING THIS GUY BACK TO HIS OWN BODY? WE LITERALLY HAVE A GUY GRANT ANY WISH BUT STEVE CAN’T COME BACK AS HIMSELF. WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT? SALUTE TO CHRIS PINE FOR GETTING A CHECK FOR THEIR TRASH WRITING I GUESS. 

THE PACING IS ATROCIOUS IN THIS FILM. AGAIN, ALL I CARED TO REMEMBER WAS THE FIRST 20-30 MINUTES AFTER THAT IT’S A FUCKING SNOOZEFEST WITH POINTLESS DIALOGUE AND NOTHING MOVING THE PLOT IN A INTERESTING DIRECTION. THE PLOT LITERALLY JUST FUCKING EXISTS. NO COMEDY. NO ACTION. NO DRAMA. JUST DIANA AND STEVE JUST WALKING AND TALKING. EVEN THEIR REUNION WAS BORING. I RATHER WATCH MATLOCK THAN WATCH THIS SHIT. THE PLOT HOLES ARE CLEAR AS DAY AND THEY DID NOT CARE TO CLEAN THEM UP. HOW THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE MAKING WISHES AT THE END BUT WHEN THEY RENOUNCE THEIR WISHES THEY STILL HAVE MEMORIES OF THEM? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? SO IF I WISHED FOR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS YOU THINK I’M GONNA RENOUNCE THAT? FUCK NO. A POLITICAL PERSON LITERALLY SAYS THE MISSILES ARE DISAPPEARING AND THAT’S THE END OF CONFLICT. THOSE COUNTRIES ARE GOING TO BOMB EACH OTHER THE NEXT DAY AFTER SEEING COUNTRIES ACTUALLY TRY TO BOMB EACH OTHER. THEN MAX JUST GOES TO BE WITH HIS SON AND FACES NO CONSEQUENCES AFTER ALMOST DESTROYING THE PLANET. WHAT A FUCKING JOKE. 

THIS MOVIE HAS REDUCED THE LASSO OF TRUTH TO JUST A FUCKING GLOWING NERDS ROPE.  I THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE A CREATIVE WAY THAT THEY WOULD COME BACK TO THE THEME AND LESSON DIANA WAS TAUGHT BY ROBIN WRIGHT IN THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE AFTER SHE WAS CAUGHT CHEATING IN THAT RACE AS A CHILD BUT IT DIDN’T. THIS IS BY FAR THE LAZIEST SCRIPT I’VE EVER SEEN. 

I like Patty Jenkins as a director but man this movie is NOT it. It’s sad to see this movie be this terrible after anticipating it for 3 years. Another piece of trash to add to the DCEU landfill. 

1 outta 5 fruit snacks. Do not waste 2 hours of your time watching this. 

Peace