LIVING UP TO THE IDEA OF YOU
Everything is about control.
When you look at the majority of conflict in the world it’s usually over control. Who has the control. Who can get the most control.
Institutions that try to keep us from being happy and keep us away from being independent, free thinking human beings entire existence is built on control and maintaining it.
In a positive example when you’re trying to change your life and you want to get rid of bad habits, you have to take control of yourself and your mind to recalibrate your habits.
One of my favorite albums ever is “Control” by Janet Jackson. Some say it’s her best work. Some say it’s not but what both sides can agree on is that Janet’s “Control” is not only the breakthrough album of her career but it was the moment in her life where she defined who she was, not anyone else. She split from her father’s management. She removed herself from her brother Michael Jackson’s shadow. She was in control but there’s another side to this I want to focus on.
Janet Jackson was perceived to be this princess. She was music royalty. Your brother just made arguably the greatest album to ever exist. People in the 80’s had their version of Janet Jackson in their mind. When you have something or someone you visualize in your mind it’s hard for you to let go of it because even though you’re not interacting with that person you’ve created scenarios in your mind of how that experience or person will be.
This is how powerful the mind is. We can create things and people in our mind and it seems real. I don’t know if you experienced this but it’s like meeting a celebrity for the first time but they’re not who you thought they were. Maybe they were rude to you. Maybe their personality is not what you thought it would be. Regardless it’s not the celebrity fault. It’s yours.
You’ve created an image of what you thought they would and should be like and expected them to live up to that image. They do not know what their image is in anyone’s mind. They cannot control that.
I say that to say this. People have a perception of you in their mind and it is not your responsibility to live up to it. It is not your responsibility to worry about something you cannot control and something that can change on a whim depending on how stable the mind that’s holding the perception and idea of who you are.
A person can build whatever version of you in their mind that they feel fits their life and add any narrative they want to the idea of you in their mind. If you’re not the person they created in their mind they want you to redefine yourself for their convenience and the crazy thing about it is half the time they may not really know you that well.
I’m sure in someone’s mind I’m humble. I’m sure in another person’s mind I’m egotistical. Depending on which day you catch me on and how much liquor I’ve consumed I might be both but the point is that we’re living life. There is no journey with an end goal to life to me. I used to think there was but the only journey is just living in the moment daily. Being present. There is no destination. We’re taught that there’s a destination because of how we were raised. Things like graduations and moving up positions at a job. Things like retirement but the only purpose of life is to just live it.
Think about a night out with your friends and you’re off the following day with nothing to do. Good liquor. Good people. Good food. Dancing. You’re not worried about what time you’re going to bed because you don’t have anywhere to be the next day. There is no destination, you’re going to have fun until your body gives out and you just go home. That’s what life is in it’s rawest form. LIVING! No destination. No goal. No deadline. Just the moment and us experiencing the moment.
We romanticize people when we should just go on what’s consistent in their behavior if you interact with them often. It doesn’t make sense for me to convince myself in my mind this is who someone is and I only speak or see them once every 4-5 months. If I never had a conversation with them more than 5 times how can I come to a conclusion of who they are? We see it everyday on the internet I don’t believe shit on there cause everybody just talking. Even if a person is in front of me consistently that can be an act so it’s like I said before you just gotta focus on the present cause everyone is capable of change. Good or bad.
You can’t control the idea of who you are in someone else’s mind. You can be a nice and likable person and someone will still think negative about you. You can be a mean person and someone can still think you’re a good person. Either way it isn’t your concern.
Just live for yourself. When you’re not living for yourself you’ll start to live up to other people image of you. You don’t want that. Connect with yourself because connection with yourself will always be better than approval or any image someone has of you in their mind.
All you can control is how to live your life and what you want to bring to it.
Peace
Benny
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