THE ART OF FRIENDSHIP
Friendship is defined differently by different people. You have people who believe friendship is dependent on loyalty. Right or wrong. You have people who believe friendships are about the favors you do for each other. You have people who believe friendships are based in getting money together. There are so many definitions of friendship. It’s up to those people to figure out what the definition of friendship means to them.
For me, the older I get the more I look at the tough parts of friendship. The hard shit. Me going out for drinks, smoking the finest of trees, having things in common with each other is cool and needed but I can do that with strangers. I’ve never fallen out with a friend in my life but knowing my personality, if I did fallout with a friend I’d think about the conversations we had more than I’d think about a fun drunk night. It’s the brotherhood I would miss. Although the drunk nights at bowling alleys and lounges are a part of the brotherhood it doesn’t define brotherhood or sisterhood.
It’s the times of vulnerability with each other. It’s learning from each other’s differences and embracing those differences. It’s knowledge.
Sharing knowledge and information that adds to the growth of your friends is an underrated aspect of friendships and rarely discussed because it’s rarely done in most friendships. When you have friends that can TEACH you things you have a different level of trust because your friend is contributing to your growth. You have to have patience to teach anybody anything. You need patience to teach because you have to let people think for themselves. It’s up to them on what they do with the knowledge you teach to them. You can lead people to knowledge but you can’t make them think. You’re here to help your friends help themselves.
It’s not easy though. It’s hard to accept help especially when we’re dealing with matters of the heart and feelings. I’ve been given advice from my friends and even though I knew they were correct I didn’t listen to what they taught me and I learned the hard way. I always believed it’s better for me to be hurt by the right advice rather than me experiencing the hurt in real time from not taking the right advice.
Setting the standard for friendships is another part about friendship that’s important. I’m not talking standards in terms of beauty, materialism, popularity. You can be in a 96 Acura and I’m in Ferrari. If I rock with you I rock with you. I fuck with character, integrity, morals, and respect. You can be lame with money and materials and you can be lame without money and materials. Are you solid is what’s important. Setting the standard of friendships needs to be practiced more. If there’s standards set for respect and good character in the friendship then your circle is honorable. A honorable circle always wins.
Accountability. If you can’t hold your friends accountable then you don’t care about the friendship. If my friends on some fuck shit I’m letting them know immediately. I’ve never had friends that did terrible things such as being an absent parent, abuse or rape so I have no experience in holding people close to me accountable for those severe types of actions. I have zero tolerance for shit like that so nobody would be around me after some shit like that. On a safer scale, the things I hold my friends accountable for have always been in private. It’s always been in a conversation between us. I look at accountability as protection. I want to protect you from moving weird and suffering consequences from your actions. Accountability aligns with setting boundaries too. Boundaries should always be set and if you have to keep having conversations about boundaries and accountability then you don’t need that friend around you anymore. If you lose yourself in a friendship then it’s time to end that shit.
Encouragement and support is the obvious acts in friendship that the majority believes should be in every friendship. Everybody supports in different ways. Letting your friends know you’re in their corner by actually showing it feels great on both sides. Some people really need to see that support. Some people don’t need to see it. The easiest solution is to just be there in some capacity. Reciprocation is key. Encouragement and support can’t be one sided. Actually give a fuck about what your friends are into. If they start a business and you don’t buy anything at least market it for them to potential buyers. If you know they’re having a rough day buy them some food, send them kind words.
Having friends is a blessing. Grow with each other, learn from each other, and enjoy life to the fullest with each other.
Love, Benny
Instagram: @bennygreenheart
Twitter: @jayjaybenny
