ENERGY

Yesterday I was ranting on my podcast (Polite Coolery) about nightlife. I don’t hate nightlife. It’s just the nightlife where I live that has lost my interest. If I keep seeing the same people every weekend then I’m going to tune out and go back home and look up recipes or play my dreamcast. 

I guess the tequila kind of took over during my rant on my podcast because I don't like to sound negative when I speak on things but what I noticed today after sleeping is that I really wanted to talk about energy and where my energy was spent. 

What I notice about myself and my habits for the first half of the year is that I spent a lot of time on things and places that take energy from me instead of giving it to me. I love lounges, bars, or wherever people can dance but I can’t help but feel this hollow feeling when I leave to go home. I always have the feeling that I wasted my time. 

I could’ve written a chapter for a book, I could’ve created music, I could’ve studied, I could’ve practiced deejaying, I could’ve researched how to travel in countries I’ve never been to before. I could’ve worked on a business plan for my company. Instead I chose to place my energy into habits and activities that do not nurture my spirit. I just end up drinking, women flirt with me, I flirt with the women back, waste money, waste time, buy bad food, go home, and feel like shit the next day. 

I’m speaking in the context of doing this every weekend for consecutive months. I love going out with my friends. I don’t want this to seem like I hate going out. I love going out with my people but just not every week. It’s such a great feeling of not being out for about a month or two months and you pop out and see people you haven’t talked to in a while and have a great night with them. It’s a night that’s needed and reminds you of the love that you’re surrounded with in life. 

The past month I’ve focused on reclaiming my energy. Focusing on what gives me energy. Sunlight, good diet, exercise, sleep, cooking, studying. Limiting all the things that take away energy like dwelling on the past, trying to please people, reacting to everything, alcohol, bad foods. Just focusing on being in a space where I build up energy like compound interest and live a life that’s true to my character as a man and what I stand for. I never want to be a person who lives to the beat of society or to the beat of what’s cool online. 

I feel I have a responsibility to set an example for the younger men out here. Being a hoe is not cool. Wasting your money ain’t where it’s at. Not reading and exercising your mind is lame. Respect every woman you come across. Don’t follow celebrities and rappers. Shit, don’t be a follower in general. The internet tells you to be a hoe and being a hoe is cool. When you are in college or early 20’s that’s usually when you get that behavior off your chest but late 20’s and 30’s that’s goofy behavior. 

On the flipside of that don’t center your whole identity around dating. Dating and the constant yearning for a relationship can be addictive and ruin you. Centering your life around it will cause you to settle. Get yourself right. Get better everyday. When you on your shit that’s when you attract what’s real and what’s for you. Your vibrations reach heights that bitch ass niggas can’t touch or see. When you move with intention it scares fake bitches. They don’t know how to approach you or figure you out but there isn’t anything to figure out and that’s the gag. An intentional spirit will always confuse a foolish spirit and that’s why fools despise wisdom and discipline. 

The world will always be chaotic. You have to stand on your square. We are plants. You have to remain rooted. Your energy is what waters your soil and keeps your roots healthy and allows you to grow. Once your roots are healthy you can focus on building your garden which are the things that matter outside of yourself. Once your garden is created you tend to your garden. 

You gotta live for yourself and not focus on what everybody else is living for. I tell myself this everyday. I don’t care what everybody is watching or listening to. I don’t care what everybody is doing. I have to allow my energy to flow on its own. If my spirit feels like I should listen to Minnie Riperton’s discography then that’s where I’m at with my energy. I can’t keep forcing my energy into places it doesn’t have a chance to thrive in. Placing my energy into people, places, and things that constantly revolve around depletion won’t get me anywhere. 

It’s the season of no longer tolerating what’s draining my energy. I’m not making excuses for what’s draining my energy because when you make excuses for energy drainers you force bullshit to stay in your life. If you force it you’ll carry deadweight which will give you unnecessary burdens. 

If it doesn’t bring me growth and joy then it’s not for me. 

Love, Benny