A POLITE CATCH UP: P-VALLEY

Don’t worry bout where a nigga been. I been doing everything but being broke. I’m back trappin. I’m cleaning shit up. Streets been full of fuck shit. I’m back to restore order. Let’s talk about Pussy Valley. 

First of all Pussy Valley is a perfect name for my smoothies I make in the morning. I’m taking that. 

So far on this show I heard “Dunn Dunn” by Shawty Lo, “Nobody” by Playa Fly, and “Sho Nuff” by Tela. Pussy Valley has edged it’s way into a top 10 all time great tv show just off that alone. They played Dunn Dunn TWICE in one episode. Kids had a big ass house party playing one the greatest negro spirituals of all time. There’s hope for these lil niggas. 

Uncle Clifford is my favorite character. Nigga just be running shit and reading every mothafucking body. My nigga was dressed like a southern belle in a cotton field talking shit. The word audacity was looking at this nigga with audacity. He steals every scene he’s in. My nigga wore a scarf with a fedora and didn’t look like a weak ass Talib Kweli verse. This nigga got a rule book that he made bad bitches memorize. Rule book thicker than Mercedes ass. Uncle Clifford truly that bitch. 

Autumn Night/Hailey titties are the greatest creation I ever seen. I saw them titties paused the Starz account that is not mine and went in my kitchen and air fried some lemon butter salmon only because if I couldn’t have those immaculate titties in my mouth the lemon butter salmon was the next best thing. Them titties deserve the Pulitzer Prize for writing “please suck me” on my heart. You can’t just suck the left titty, those titties are a packaged deal like baked macaroni and yams. Draya Michele peanut brained ass has 24 hours to respond to those titties. Autumn titties are so beautiful they made me sing “If This World Were Mine” by Luther Vandross. Seeing those titties for the first time was like Mike seeing Alicia for the first time in The Wood. Autumn Titties is worth 10 hoes my nigga. I don’t care if I squeeze them titties and the gas station bottom shelf vodka she be drinking come out them mothafuckas nigga I’m sucking on them hoes and getting wasted like a white frat boy named Dillon Weisnor. Nigga I forgot what Autumn role is on this show that’s how important them titties are to humanity. 

I fuck with the struggle rap adventures of Lil Murda. This nigga music is really ass in a place of ass. But the fact that he learning why his music is ass and bitches ain’t hearing it and throwing ass is important. We seeing a nigga trying to improve instead of saying niggas hating on his music. Nigga this anthem he bout to create with the DJ better be knock like a mothafucka or I will swiftly find a scene with Autumn titties. 

Stripping really my favorite sport. These bad bitches are athletes. You know how tiring twerking is? I can’t imagine. They twerk for hours around drunk niggas. Nigga I’m tired after 4 minutes of fucking. 20-30 minutes is my limit and those 20-30 minutes will be the most electrifying dick shorty ever got  but nigga my soul be making the Will Smith Red Table Talk Face after 4 minutes. Strippers are essential workers. They keep married men married. You think niggas would stay married if strippers didn’t exist. Strippers are married men therapy. You think niggas actually like being married? NO! You only get married so you can finally graduate to being a regular at strip clubs. 

I love Mercedes. Like I never wanted to bite a booty so badly in life. That ass can knock a nigga through the wall like the kool aid man. I’d eat her ass like my first meal home from the feds. I’d lift her thick ass like the Holy Spirit. Ass so fat I might need a back brace to lift it. No matter what she going through in life Mercedes will always have a seat reserved on my freshly grapeseed cleansed face. All that extra melanin LORDT!  Anyway I like how she the colonel of the troops. If she was running The Pynk that mothafucka would be nowhere near in debt. Uncle Clifford cool but he messy wit the money. Cedes straight got a dance team and bout to have them little girls dancing like Tinashe n shit. That Normani save the last dance shit. She trying to get that Laker dancer money. I like how her character has so many layers. She’s a 25 year old stripping legend who gave her daughter up for adoption and is actually looking for a way out of stripping and she just about business. She not in that bitch selling pussy. She bout the check. She cares about her craft. Anything Mercedes does she would likely succeed at it. That’s the energy she gives off. I don’t like how Autumn is perceived to be the better of the two cause she new and light bright. Autumn not touching Cedes. I know Autumn titties are nice but Autumn throw ass like a Karen. I don’t like that. 

Speaking of Cedes. Her momma is fucking insane. All religious people need to be psychologically evaluated but I bet you one thing bout Mercedes momma. I betchu that coochie fire. I know that pussy hittin. I know she got that snapback. All crazy church women got high grade pussy that the average human cannot handle. We lucky she wasn’t wearing a church crown cause that mean that pussy is so fye it’s probably possessed by satan but feel like holy water. A church crown is just the extra razzle dazzle for freakiness. If she got on that church crown she will do anything you like. If a woman is willing to act possessed in a strip club parking lot at 3 in the morning to get money out of her daughter then you know she passing that pussy around like the collection plate at Sunday service for things she want from men. You know that lady fucked up when she let another woman adopt her granddaughter. The coochie still probably as soothing as an Earth Wind And Fire vinyl with some cognac on a Saturday evening. Also how the fuck does this woman question Cedes about her mothafucking money? Bitch gimme my 20 racks before you really hear melodies from heaven. 

Chucalissa looks like a town I wanna own a home in. Anytime I wanna escape from my other crib I come down to Chucalissa to get cucumber face masks with a bunch of thick shorties and eat meals that were cooked while Gladys Knight was playing for a whole week. 

Lil Murda and Uncle Clifford dynamic is really interesting. I like how they need each other and try to act like they don’t need each other but end up taking each other’s advice. 

As a character Autumn hasn’t stood out to me unless we talking titties but as a character I haven’t been drawn to her yet. We have her backstory that we get glimpses of with her PTSD flashbacks. We know she’s a scammer and has a terrible background. But at the moment so many characters are outshining her. It’s like she’s more of a supporting character not the protagonist. But as long as those titties love me she can be the worst character I do not give a solitary fuck. 

I like the real estate angle we’re seeing so far and how it effects small town local businesses like The Pynk. The plan to build a casino and the lengths people will go through to get The Pynk shut down will be really real cause in Mississippi them mothafuckas will do you dirty quick. It’s the Dirty Delta for a reason. I’m predicting a dark turn is around the corner for the battle for the land/real estate.

P Valley is shot EXTREMELY well. The cinematography is fuckin beautiful bruh. The writing for it is decent so far but I’m hoping it dives deeper and the characters become more meaningful. I love that people get to see how complex the stripper game is because that shit is more than just being naked in front of people. That’s one of the hardest jobs ever. The way they have to juggle their personal lives and stripping. You see the business and how the customers are.

The way that this show is NOT stereotypical is probably one of my favorite things about it. You see different types of black people. Different black people with different social classes, different backgrounds, religion and beliefs, educational backgrounds interacting with each other in a small town while showing their flaws and struggles no matter where they are in life. It’s so beautiful. Not one black character is the same. Andre is different from Uncle Clifford. Uncle Clifford is different from Lil Murda. Lil Murda is different from DJ Neva Scared. Mercedes is different from Autumn. Corbin is different from Keyshawn. DJ Neva Scared goes to a private school, Andre is an accomplished married business man. Lil Murda is a broke bisexual street rapper. The woman that has custody of Mercedes daughter owns a house that a NFL player would live in. Keyshawn is single mother in an abusive relationship that she funds. This woman is taking care of a nigga that’s beating her while taking her baby to work every night and still trying to keep a smile on her face. You can’t tell me shit about black women bruh. That strength is real. Corbin Kyle is the product of an affair or rape. Corbin’s mother who was a maid and apart of an affair with one of the richest men in the south and he hides it from people is some scary shit. Corbin’s birth felt like some slave shit in the 1700’s. The symbolism of Corbin working the cotton field was also heavy to me. It’s just refreshing to see black characters contrast each other but have chemistry and it feels organic. No other show has done this as well as P-Valley.

I like this show a lot. This shit is so much fun and the episodes keep getting better and better. Every week I’m on yall ass watching all this ass on P-Valley.

Peace 

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