BABY IM BOUT BOUNDARIES

I don’t get tried a lot. It’s not because I’m a mean person or look like I’m mean. I’m just known for saying “No.”

People know what to bring to me and what not to bring to me. I don’t tell people “no” because it’s fun. That’s part of it. I do it because boundaries mean something to me and I have them hoes set. 

I always brag about having the same friends for decades and how I never fell out with friends before. It’s not because I’m loyal or they’re loyal, that’s the easy answer. The reason I never fell out with friends is because all my friends respect my boundaries and I respect theirs. 

It seem like I share a lot since I express myself in so many ways but I’m private about a lot of shit in my life and that’s because of the boundaries I’ve placed on myself. Boundaries become more and more important the older you become. Mainly because the decisions you have to make and the things you have to live for grow in importance as well. 

Boundaries are important in my life because it prevents me from doing dumb and ignorant shit to people. It also taught me how selfish people can be regardless if it’s intentional or not. When I set my boundaries I don’t give a fuck how anybody feel. My boundaries are for my safety. I’ve seen people not set boundaries because they don’t want to upset people and it feels like they’re being selfish.

Ain’t shit selfish about setting boundaries. Taking care of yourself is more fucking important than other people’s comfort. If you always have to alter your mental health and doing what’s best for you for someone then that person does not need to be around you. I don’t give a fuck who it is. It can be your parents, your husband, your wife, your best friend of 10 years, whoever. Why the fuck you have to surrender what you need to put yourself in the right mental and emotional space to show you care for somebody? If they were real they wouldn’t make you go through those types of decisions. How the fuck you gotta make an ultimatum between people and your health? 

It’s about making everything clear. Your expectations should be clear. The roles people play in your life need to be clear. Your life is a movie. The movie is funded by you. You’re the director, producer, writer, actor, everything. If mothafuckas not sticking to the script that improves your life and overall well being then that means you gotta change the cast. I know that’s hard but what’s harder is you spiraling into more stress because you’re prioritizing somebody else feelings over what’s best for your life. 

Relationships of any kind are at their best when they’re mutually supportive. We all have changes we go through. Some of them are changes we made ourselves and some of them are changes out of our control. As long as the support is there for ourselves and from the people who say they care for us. We are able to deal with those changes in the healthiest way possible. 

This was on my spirit and shit so I just wanted to share this while it was fresh in my mind but I wanna end this with some guidelines for setting boundaries for people and yourself. 

GUILT AIN’T SHIT BUT A BITCH 

You’re gonna feel guilty setting boundaries. You’re gonna feel like a villain. Guilt will have you questioning if setting boundaries are even worth it. Guilt is the weapon of choice for people who love to take advantage of people. Pay attention to their reaction when the guilt trip doesn’t work on you anymore. It’ll fuck you up but you’ll be glad that you saw it. Guilt is a bitch that don’t put in nothing valuable for your well being. Set the boundaries to set up the best life for yourself. 

EVERYBODY GETS A NO 

You not Oprah. You don’t have Oprah money and you not giving everybody brand new washers and dryers but what you can give everybody is a “No.” She get a no. He get a no. They get a no. Aye tap her on her shoulder, you get a no. Everybody get a no. Every time I say no it feels like something resets and more space opens up in my mind and schedule. What that politician lady who look like a baptist church deaconess be saying? The reclaiming my time shit. “No” is empowering as fuck. 

TELL EVERYBODY WHAT YOU WANT 

Ask yourself what you want. Tell the universe what you want. Tell the people close to you what you want. If things don’t align with what you want, if they really fuck with you they won’t bring that shit your way. You have to be really upfront and honest about this. Your boundaries set the energy.

YOU NOT HERE TO FIX EVERYBODY

You are responsible for you. Unless you have children you only need to take care of you. Everyday I see adults literally coddling other adults. I’m surprised a lot of these grown muhfuckas not walking around with a titty in they mouth because of how much they love being babied. Setting boundaries includes giving people their responsibility of their own life back. Why the fuck is your day or week full of fulfilling other people needs over your own? Why are you in drama that has nothing to do with you? You can’t fix people. In the end it always comes down to winning the internal battle. You gotta win from within. 

YOU TRULY SEE WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE 

Boundaries creates needed separation from people which leaves you with your own thoughts, your own feelings, your own decisions without overthinking about how other people feel. It’s just you and you find out who the fuck you are. It’s moment that people run from because they’re afraid to see who they truly are but it’s the moment of clarity that helps you evolve into a person you never thought existed. 

Peace 

Benny 

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