ADULTING IS MID
I was sitting in my home listening to this 70’s and 80’s mix on soundcloud. Whiskey poured. Trees lit. I was really in my old nigga glory.
I switched over to shuffle on another music streaming platform and “Many Men” by 50 Cent started playing. Heard the song 1,000 times but a line he rapped in that song really spoke to me.
“Death gotta be easy cause life is hard.”
I immediately started thinking about adulting. This adulting shit is hard no matter your age.
Look at what we’re living through. There’s genocide happening as I type this. We’re living in a pandemic. The job market is horrendous. Rent and mortgages are overpriced. People are getting poorer everyday. Crime is high. Politicians are lying to the masses and playing in our faces everyday. Everything is expensive. You can get 4 things from the grocery store and that’s likely $30. Everyone’s mental health is suffering. It’s beyond hard.
I have my days where sometimes I feel great about where I am in life. Just really thinking about how grateful I am for everything I have in life. I also have days where I ask myself “What the fuck is the point of all this?” I usually ask myself this after paying a bill. I have the money, it's just the fact that I have to give my money away when I have to get my money doing something I usually have to sacrifice my sanity for. The least that could happen for me after doing something I didn’t want to do for money is that I get to keep it for myself.
Adulting is like a sitcom but it’s not funny. It’s like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm but there’s no laughter. It’s just full of scenarios that test your fucking patience. It’s also full of tequila, amazon wish lists, unnecessary trips to Target, watching anime and dancing sprinkled on top of it. Just enough fun shit to make you temporarily forget that you’re usually losing your fucking mind every fucking week. Once you do something that you enjoy it resets everything and then you repeat it. It goes like this every week
Mon: Work (I think I wanna start eating healthy but who are we fooling? I'm too stressed to eat lettuce. I’ll try next Monday)
Tues: Work (This the worst day of the week somebody send me titties or tacos)
Wed: Work (Why these bitch ass niggas speaking to me)
Thurs: Work (Damn now my family acting goofy)
Fri: Work (I just got paid how the fuck am I broke?)
Sat: I’m having fun with my niggas or the week was so fucking trash I’m locking myself in my home and putting my phone on DND.
Sun: Fuck I gotta go back to work tomorrow. I’m sad as fuck.
Adulting is like a cycle in an abusive relationship. You have good weeks. You have bad weeks but it feels like the bad outweighs the good and you do your part to make it better but you seem to get let down more than you’re uplifted and appreciated. The end goal is always fulfillment and happiness.
I’m a pretty happy man. I know all the words above this make it seem like I’m complaining and I’m miserable but I’m far from it. I love God. I cook delicious food for myself and others. I’m handsome and I smell like cocoa butter every day. There’s not much for me to complain about. I’m just giving examples of how I feel on the rare bad day I may have. I’m sure that there’s someone who will read this and say “Is this nigga spying on my life?”
Before I became an adult, adulting was explained to me as just figuring shit out. Figuring out what you want. Figuring out who you want to share life with. Figuring out where you want to live. Figuring out if you want to go to college. Figuring out what job you want to work. Figuring out how to make money. Here’s the “EUREKA” moment that I had when thinking about “figuring it out.” Not one time was I taught to focus on things that fed my spirit. Life is not about figuring it out. You’re here. The figuring out is done. Life is about focusing on people, places, and things that feed your spirit.
I can have a bad day at work but I truly never give a fuck because all i can think about is the delicious rigatoni I’m going to make when I get home, the exercise I’m about to get or the podcast episode I’m going to record with my brothers. It’s hard for me to have a bad day because I do something to feed my spirit everyday. It’s deeper than me just going online and buying a bunch of things that I want. It makes me feel good but it’s just things. Creating is what feeds my spirit. Sculpting out my life and body is what feeds my spirit. Learning new things.
Adulting can be fun. I’m living proof. I love being in my own space. I love spending time with my friends and family. I love talking to myself like I’m a character on Parks and Recreation. I love going up to Homegoods and finding miscellaneous things for my life like expensive knife sets and organic lemonade.
Adulting is just the foundation. The key is to make the autonomous part of adulting the side story of your life. We have to get it to a point where the boring and draining part of adulting is not the center of our lives. When you see people stressed, they’re probably stressed over being an adult and having so much on their plate. My advice is find the things that really feed your spirit because that is your navigator towards a more fulfilled life. Once you focus on feeding your spirit you realize everything falls where it’s supposed to. Suddenly you have more income, you’re less stressed, you’re smiling and laughing more. It’s because you’re finally where you belong. Your energy won’t lie to you. You’re going to be reminded everyday if your energy is in the wrong place or around the wrong people. It’s warning you and informing you that you’re traveling a road that’s not healthy for you in any way.
50 was half right. We don’t know how easy death and life is hard but who says we can't make it easy for ourselves?
Love, Benny
